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I found this motivational photo rather intriguing to think about. I also find it very relatable. It makes me reflect on my life and progression to the woman that I am today. I didn’t start out on a mission to become independent. I initially opted to go the traditional route via getting married and starting a family at the age of 18 years old. Becoming independent came as a result of my life experiences as a young widow. Now that I have found my own way, I will never be comfortable with a man at the wheel of my destiny. Then again, I have not crossed paths with a man up for the task. I do listen to different points of view on strong women via a variety of media outlets. My goal is to gain an understanding of different views. I do not necessarily think my viewpoint is absolute and the metric for all to live by. However, some viewpoints are negative in nature and hard to tolerate. Many are speaking about how modern women are hard headed, loud, bitchy, stuck in their own way, have no hope, and are destined for cathood. There are some generalized statements about modern, independent women that sounds overly dramatic from my perspective. Perhaps the intent on that viewpoint is to gain viewers and listeners to the broadcaster? Although I respect a hustle, it is sad to see a group of women lumped into a box collectively in that manner. To each his own on that choice of perspective.
Are modern independent women capable of being in a relationship today? I think they are indeed capable if presented with a man who brings in the same peace and understanding he seeks. It would only make sense if each party brings added value to a situation and not just added stress and drama. Yes, added value is subjective and for each person to determine. I believe the combative nature how each side presents ends up proving the narrative that each bring to the table. It is possible to find a couple to peacefully cohabitate if they allow each other to think differently and come together in a compromising manner. There must be mutual love and continued respect to persevere. People need to be single between relationships in order to rediscover themselves and heal from the traumas experienced in the past relationships. One has to be at peace with past transgressions from the ex before moving forward into a new relationship. Enough water needs to be thrown on the heart stains in order for the new person to not see them upon entry.
I will admit that as I get older, I am getting more and more set in my ways of conducting my personal business. I am currently in a peaceful zone for almost the past two years. I find it blissful that I am not having to concern myself with a man and how he conducts himself. I am not actively trying to find a partner; I am merely dabbling with dating apps. I am not in a hurry to find a partner either. I was previously engaged for five years from December 2014 in a long distance relationship. I had given many chances to my fiancé to manage and iron out his infidelity and other personal affairs. In hindsight, In retrospective, I also dragged my feet since I saw the relationship cracks and I didn’t want to own them full time. On the other hand, he had amazing qualities that I really liked in a partner that I never had before. For one, I have not encountered many men who like to cook. I find that to be a great quality that I didn’t want to give up. He was not threatened by my income. He thought it made his life easier and was proud of me. Eventually, I started the emotional disconnection process and broke free from the relationship. Based upon my experiences, I am convinced that a man doesn’t have the discipline to be faithful or manage my affairs for me. I remain optimistic and I am hoping to cross paths with someone who will prove me wrong. If not, I am truly content with being in my own company.
I watch male presenters speak about how independent women are “bossy” in nature. I do not believe that I am bossy in nature in any of my relationships. Thankfully, I have never had a person I was in a relationship say that to me. It is comforting to have a few men that are regretful of parting ways and wanting another opportunity at the relationship. However, it is wise to not stare into the rear view mirror when you are trying to move forward with your life. I think a person is bossy when they are not satisfied with their life and not truly in their own power. Perhaps there are plenty of women who like the title of being “strong & independent” yet still have behaviors of mooching off of men. They are not being a fair representative of modern independent women. It is a challenge to “stand on your own two feet” (as my father used to preach to me) and truly be independent woman. I have learned what I like and do not like and what I will not tolerate in a relationship. I speak up if I am being taken advantage of in a relationship. As I have stated previously, I am not afraid to be alone. I find getting a man to properly communicate is a challenge. Men I have encountered try to brush things under the rug or become angry when asked to discuss an issue. I believe a male who is a calm communicator would be a national treasure.
There is a comfort with being able to provide with your own hands. Life is also easier when you join forces with a man and split the bills down the middle. For many years, I did not know what it was like to depend on a man. After years of grinding solo, I took the dive and was in a 11 year relationship. Once he moved in, there were many adjustments and benefits to manage and enjoy. I didn’t have to stare at my bank account and worry as hard yet I had to be willing to compromise on different avenues. Over time, it is amazing how the pesky things became big issues of contention later on. How the willingness to give up your freedoms later becomes an anchor around your neck in the bottom of the ocean. I have learned that if you are an ambitious person, meshing with a lazy person will not calm you down and find the middle ground you seek. You only end up resenting them years later and they become even lazier in your mind and unbearable to be around. I believe that the opposites attract theory only lasts for a short period of time. Eventually, you resent those opposite qualities and they become a thorn in your side.
When I think about the evolution of an independent woman, that gradual formation happened as a result of years of external and internal impacting factors. There are some factors of independence that are very alluring. The preservation of personal freedoms, a side effect of independence, are very enticing and hard to give up or trade in. The ability to make money with your own hands is extremely intoxicating like an addictive drug. Once you have that capacity to sustain yourself, it is very hard to give up that ability to become dependent on someone else for your way of life. I believe that there are many benefits to being dependent on a man. On the surface, it appears that being dependent doesn’t require as much effort. It certainly doesn’t appear as stressful. Perhaps the independent energy is diverted elsewhere to satisfying the needs of the partner? Perhaps the same energy is used in just another manner within the relationship? I am just happy that there are many different choices and options for men and women in today’s world. What are your thoughts on the subject?
Leslie M. Jasper
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