Sharing Some Advice Given On Dating Dynamics!

Hello Everyone!

This week has been very busy for me. Sometimes, I feel like there is not enough time in a day. This is especially true when there is a tedious task, such as editing. I have been working a lot on editing podcast episode #14 where Melissa and I discuss how society and social media had divided men vs women. We also discuss how men are avoiding feminist women, the negative qualities, and sharing definitions of different terms and labels. I have never considered myself as a feminist. Melissa sure doesn’t like the label! However, after reading the definition, it feels like any woman just exercising their available choices is a feminist. I am trying to get this episode edited so I can release it. The editing has been taking far longer than I anticipated. Way longer!!! There was a point where I thought I was going to just scrap the whole thing. I am learning how to edit and it is a work in progress. If I was trying this a few years before, it would have been so frustrating, I would have quit the project. Learning patience with the process is something that I have developed over time. I sure hope to get faster with the task over time. As soon as I get it finished, I shall share. I am spending time with the family tomorrow and hanging out with Melissa. Perhaps another podcast episode will spawn over the weekend. I did offer some advice this week on Quora. I am sharing some topics that popped up where I felt like I could offer sound guidance.

The topic of discussion was from a person, unsure if the writer is male or female or binary, who was trying to get a guy’s Instagram account. This request is after five months of daily texting. It didn’t reveal if the two people were dating or merely loosely communicating. I am aware that I am running off of very limited information. I feel empathy for a person who is not on the same page as the other person. This could be as a result of mismatched words and action, poor communication, an obsession, etc. It is not easy to blend two people of the opposite gender, different childhoods, different cultures, different geographic areas, different family dynamics, etc. Come to think of it, it is amazing that people can cohabitate under such different circumstances. This is actually somewhat close to what Melissa and I recently discussed for podcast Episode #14 that I am almost done with editing. It is not easy to manage a relationship if there is distance or other major barriers in the relationship. Life is rough when one partner cares less than the other partner. I am convinced that the dynamics are never equal. I have quite a few years of relationship experience that I believe makes me qualified to respond to the question. I offered the same advice as I would provide to my sons. Here is the posed question and my subsequent response:

“I asked a guy for his Instagram after 5 months of daily texting and now he hasn’t replied for over a day. Should I say something about it or just let it go?”

Now when you say “daily texting” does this mean that you perceive that you are in a relationship? I give a little wiggle room for people if they have a busy day. If dodging goes on for days, then lose the number. Don’t let anyone waste your time. Are you just casually getting to know the man? Are you wanting to get into a relationship yet you are not quite there? What are your goals with the relationship? Are you trying to be the submissive and cooperating future wife? If so, be quiet as a church mouse and wait until he feels comfortable disclosing his social media to you. What value do you see with getting access to his social media page? Is it part of getting to know him or are you trying to “catch him”? I am not clear if you are a teenager or a 35-year old person. A man who chooses to hide his social media is doing it for a reason. He may have family and/or friends on his social media and not confident on how you will interact. He may be married and he doesn’t want you to figure it out. He may be juggling you with other people- normal in the beginning to figure out what you want. He may just be a private person and doesn’t want a bunch of potential exes on his social media platform. I am at the stage in life where I would just ask about it. If the man is incapable of communicating with me on it, I would part ways. My time is too precious to waste time on a man being sneaky, evasive, or a terrible communicator. I wish you luck!” – Leslie M. Jasper

Photo Credit: Online Dating Via Quora
Quora Link To The Topic Of Discussion

Life goes by very fast. Women have a biological clock so they cannot waste time on stagnant relationships. A man knows right away if he wants to be serious with a woman or not. Women should not linger with a man who doesn’t want to be serious within six months. I realize that women linger with bad relationships if the man is financing her way of life. I am glad that has never been an issue for me in my life. Why people linger in a relationship that they do not feel vested in can be a mystery or very obvious. It can be everything from being lazy, fear of being lonely, fear of not finding a better match, immature, foolish, selfish, bad timing in life, tragedies, etc. I know that I was deeply impacted by becoming a young widow. For many years after my husband’s death, I didn’t have it in me to date. When I did try, my heart wasn’t in it. I feared connecting with someone, getting attached, and them dying on me. It is something that has never left me. Despite those intense fears, I crossed paths with a man seven years later who is a good father and we made it work for 11 years. I indeed cared for the man. However, his behavior eroded that sentiment over time. I would not call it a passionate relationship; it was a friendship. It was a partnership indeed and not some Disney whirlwind romance. We may have still stayed together longer if he would have simmered down with his anger issues. Over time, that constant anger seeps onto a partner and drains the harmony of the home. My home is my sanctuary. Disrupting that repeatedly over a period of time will make anyone throw in the towel. I had a crazy passionate dynamics with my husband who died. It was ridiculous chemistry from the moment I laid eyes on him. I know it was a mutual connection. I am doubtful that I will find that again in life. However, I am okay with being wrong on that. I believe that each encounter is a lesson we must learn. There is no one that was a waste of time to cross paths. How long you linger is up to you. This is especially true of the relationship is dysfunctional. I wish everyone luck on this process.

Well, what do you think about the topic and advice? Does it make sense? Is it advice you would also share? Would your advice be different? If so, how would it be different? I would like to hear your thoughts on the topic of discussion. If you have a new topic to suggest that I dive into, let me know. I hope you are swinging from the chandelier tonight and having a wildly good time. If you are laying low chilling like me, I respect that as well. I will live vicariously through the wild peeps! 😛 I am hoping to have a upcoming good summer that involves some fun. Wherever you are in the world, I thank you for taking the time to inspect my content. The internet has a tremendous amount of data to sort through. I am honored that you found me as a needle in a haystack of life. Have a good ongoing weekend! 🙂

Cheers!

Leslie M. Jasper

-Author & Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast now alive on Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Deezer, Google Podcasts, Pocket Casts, Radio Public, Soundcloud, Spotify, and YouTube. Other platforms include: Acast, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Player FM, Pod Bean, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Podchaser, Stitcher, Tune In.

-The Audio Blog: Verbally Disastrous Podcast & Construction Tales Blog. Now available on: Apple Podcasts, Anchor, Breaker, Deezer, Google Podcasts, Pocket Casts, Radio Public, and Spotify. I will announce more platforms very soon.

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