I have decided to write on and share the topic of love that I found again on Quora. More specifically, does a person become mentally weak while in the throes of a passionate love? Love indeed has much power and impact on people. I am pleased to see that the responses come in a wide variety. I really like the thought and consideration that Garry Rocco put into his response. No subject quite impacts people from all walks of life quite like love. Love and death are the great equalizers in life. Check out the exact question below and the six responses down below the question.
Here is the link below to Episode #15: What Does It Mean To Fall In Love? on Spotify:
The Verbally Disastrous Podcast With Leslie M. Jasper & Melissa Polito | Podcast on Spotify
“Do you think that those who fall in love are mentally weak people?“
MY RESPONSE TO THE QUESTION:
“Love is what most humans on this Earth seek. Love yields much power and can seep into almost every aspect of our lives. Love is not exclusive to poor or rich people or a particular part of the globe much less any form of demographics. Love is the one “possession” that can make a poor couple feel rich. A lack of love between a rich couple can make them feel “poor”. Love is the theme of many products and services. There are books, songs, movies, tv shows about it. Love can start a fight or smooth over conflict. Some people seek love their entire life and never find it. Other people have stumbled upon it yet don’t recognize it properly. Meanwhile, others have faced such terrible experiences and then proceed to spend the rest of their lives trying to avoid any part of love. Perhaps a huge part of me thinks that people who fall in love are mentally weak. After all, being in love is one of the few times where you are not in control of your emotions or actions. Love can bring a strong man or woman down to on the knees. Love can dramatically change a person’s behavior. I believe in the power dynamics of each relationship. This is where one partner loves the other a little more. I believe that love is equal in few relationships. The partner who loves less has more leverage on the relationship. The partner who loves more will endure far more nonsense than they would if they loved less.
People take advantage of a person’s love in many different types of relationships. The question is: who is the fool in that scenario? Is the fool the person taking advantage while being with a loving partner or the person who is blinded by love and looks away from bad situations? Can you be sensible when you are in love? To what degree do you behave differently when you are in love? Do you have the willpower to walk away from someone you have fallen deeply in love who is toxic? On the other end of the coin, what would life be like if you never felt the strong emotion of love? Do you want even just a taste of real love deep down in your soul? Does love make the struggles of life easier to endure? On the other hand, when a person is out of a toxic relationship, life is much more peaceful. This is because your mind is not wandering and thinking about your partner’s behavior.
We all must walk this life with a different set of circumstances. This includes a unique childhood that has molded and shaped us to adults. If our parents had a bad marriage and were trash examples, we may then grow up expecting the same bad behavior from partners. If either of our parents fell short of expectations or our own experiences were bad, that can skew our view on life. Having the role model of parents in a great marriage will make you think you can mirror it in your own relationship. Love yields much power and impacts people in different ways. Many people have went to prison because of toxic love. Can love weaken a mind? Yes, it can force the hand of vicious acts. Can love strengthen a mind? Yes, ask a cancer patient who uses the power of love to overcome the battle and come out a survivor. Love has much power that must be recognized and respected. Once recognized, try to move accordingly in a strategic manner. Always try your best to not hurt anyone in the name of love. Try your best to use love wisely. I sincerely wish you much luck!”
RESPONSE #1 TO THE QUESTION:
“You are on the right track, but mentally weak might be too simplistic to accurately cover it. The key to it is the word, “Fall”. If you have ever fallen before, several or many times, you recognize when it is your fault that you fell, or when you fell due to external causes, like someone intentionally tripping you, or an obstacle suddenly gets in your way, or a banana peel. It’s important to distinguish between the two types. When you claim you have fallen in love, or you see what you think someone else has done in falling in love, you are mistaken in your choice of words. There is no way you can “Fall in Love”, at all. The feeling that those who claim to have fallen for “the One”, is “Infatuation”. “There is a very big difference between infatuation and being in love. Infatuation is when you first see someone that you are attracted to and immediately feel there is a connection based on that, whereas love is knowing the good and bad of someone and still loving them all the same.”
The power of Charisma, an ill-defined and misunderstood magnetic draw to another is rooted in—-to return to your ‘mentally weak’ query—-a ‘hole’ or several of them in yourself. When seen in the cold light of day, objectively—-unfortunately when the affair is over—you can usually find those things missing in you that you found compelling, obsessively so, in the other. The traits that the other has are picked up almost unconsciously, by your perception of their looks, achievements, body, their eyes, speech, grace, and most assuredly by their sexiness. None of those attractions amount to love. And the annals of failure in several dates, weeks, months or a year, Male/Female relationships over many millennia, attest to the fact it was never Love at all. If you feel like you have fallen into a singular Infatuation— and you will disregard this sound advice I am certain—-at least try and bring in the Critical reasoning you were born with to recognize what they present, or you think they do, is missing in yourself. You can usually start with physical appearance, since that is the first thing that knocks us out when we see ‘the One’, notwithstanding the history that we have seen, ‘the One’, a half dozen times before, and learned nothing by pursuing it. Call that a mental weakness if you like, but generally weaknesses can be overcome with a disciplined approach to strengthening. Not so with this very unique trait in man or woman.
The psychosis that causes one to “Fall in Love”, is much harder if not impossible to simply make stronger with exercise. The self examination of that psychosis is very very tough to confront and even more resistant to repair. e.g. If you feeeeeel she is the most beautiful creature on the planet you have ever encountered, Stops your clock in its tracks, then your feeling is sabotaging you. The intelligent reaction is to immediately pull back, stop feeeeeling she is physically appealing more than you are—- although it is likely accurate that she is—- you need to now consider THAT this is the crux of what is ‘missing in you’, and which she instantly filled. You feel she is much better looking than you are, and by allying yourself with her, should she acquiesce to your other charms, you too will be better looking. You must be or she wouldn’t want to be with you. Wrong. And that’s whether or not she returns the ‘can’t get enough’ of you that you have for her. This delirious pleasure, unlike anything else on earth, than, maybe, owning Amazon at $8.00 a share, and still holding it. This oxytocin sodden neuro-chemistry result cements your obsession, and sets the fuse alight to C-4, for an eventual explosion that blows the relationship apart. It never was based in “Love”. That way be fire-breathing dragons. If you “Fall in Love”, remember you have “Fallen”. Not usually a preferred eventuality by anybody but someone with a sturdy no-fail parachute”. -Gary Rocco
RESPONSE #2 TO THE QUESTION:
“To the contrary, falling in love makes you somehow vulnerable to betrayal, lies etc. So I would think those who wish to fall in love, know the risks and are willing to take them. So no they cannot be mentally weak. I would say they have a big heart and want to share that with someone special”. -Dorothy Sciortino
RESPONSE #3 TO THE QUESTION:
“yes and no because love makes you full and strong and makes you want to keep living because you know that someone is there for you and actually cares about you but love also makes you weak because if they cheat on you or leave you or sum, you will have such a pain”. -Danii B
RESPONSE #4 TO THE QUESTION:
“Well maybe. I have seen people fall love in 24 hours and after a week they want his baby! And they wonder why the guy runs for the hills”. -Ronell Eaton
RESPONSE #5 TO THE QUESTION:
“The complete opposite. You need to be mentally strong and healthy to be able to tap into one of the highest vibrations such as love”. -Hind Tauboub
Now that you have read all of the feedback, what do you think? Please place your comment in the comment section below. I like Mr. Rocco’s break down of the word “fall” in his response. I also appreciate the distinction between love and infatuation. I believe that real love goes the distance. Meanwhile, infatuation is red hot quick and then fizzles out just as fast as it starts. Beware of infatuation since that is the one that can ruin your mind and make you go bat shit crazy! Is it possible that all bad experiences are from coming out of bad cases of infatuation? If not, it is something to at least consider. It is possible that the person that you can go the distance with is overlooked. The person is overlooked since they do not give you that magnetic attraction that one associates with love. Can we blame movie industry for that perception? Perhaps real genuine love starts out as a friendship and evolves over time to a strong affection for each other. One must have a dose of physical attraction at the very, very least. Men must have a physical attraction to even get involved with someone. I have never heard of a story where a man is not physically attracted to a woman yet continues a relationship. If there is a story, by all means share.
I kind of giggled when Mr. Rocco mentions the psychosis in reference to falling in love. I had a different perception of what psychosis is, perhaps very extreme such as a crazy mental patient. So, I looked up the definition. Psychosis is a severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality. After reading the definition, I would most definitely associate it with falling in love and infatuation. I also do not know how a man or a woman takes a disciplined approach to an infatuation scenario. You just have to pray, much like a crazed mental patient, that the aftermath does not do too much damage. I most definitely understood and feared the chaos with Mr. Rocco’s account of an obsession. Taking this obsession into account, I laugh heartily at Ronell Eaton’s quip about women wanting a man’s baby 24-hours after meeting. I would describe my own marriage at 18-years old to a mutual obsession. Looking back as an older woman, I was the partner that loved harder. I often wondered how life would have been had he not passed away in a motorcycle accident? Would it have fizzled out or would have lasted a quarter of a century? I will never know that answer. My objective today, as an older woman, to find a companion that doesn’t drive me nuts with foolish behavior.
Now flip the coin from mental weakness to strength when in love. I also understand when others speak about the mental fortitude that is required to even stay in a relationship. A couple must endure and weather the ups and downs that come with a relationship. A couple must have the strength to withstand pain that comes from a partner making a mistake such as cheating. There is some serious mental Olympics that come with trying to move past a cheating partner. Partners who repeatedly make the same mistakes are a lost cause. Any time a partner’s bad behavior shifts your personality to a miserable one, it is time to push the eject button. Life is too short to consistently deal all that comes with a partner’s dirty deeds. It is one thing to make a mistake in judgement and give into weakness. It is another thing to do it whenever you feel like it while the mistress adds to the emotional grief. You pass the point of a mistake and head straight into selfish territory. Getting past that emotional stress requires a tremendous amount of mental strength. Healing and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and love again after betrayal also takes mental strength. There is a beauty with love during bad times and strength in numbers. When there is a tragedy in the family, the rest of the family members rally together to help those in mental anguish heal and move past the heartache. That is when you can truly appreciate the value of love and unity.
I appreciate Ms. Tauboub’s response that a couple must be mentally strong and healthy to tap into the highest vibration on Earth that is love. Yes, being in love is definitely on a higher frequency than being alone and/or miserable. People in love have a glow in their personality and on their external shell. Many others can tell when a person is in love since they burst at the seams with joy. No matter where you are in your life, I wish you joy and good vibes. We are all on this planet to walk our path and learn many lessons. We learn our biggest lessons with pain. The good and bad lessons give us strength and growth. I have allowed myself two years to heal from a five year relationship. Perhaps now that Covid-19 has somewhat subsided on my side of the globe, it is time to try to date. It is most sensible to sort out and heal before moving forward. The next person does not deserve to be soiled with the stains from the past. Speaking of Covid-19, I sincerely wish that the people of India get past their crisis and heal as a nation. According to the news, your people are suffering. I heard medical equipment and vaccines are coming. I sincerely wish you all well. These wishes go for other nations suffering the same plight. It is a rainy day here in New York City and we are starting to open up fully. I wish you a good hump day and the rest of the week!
Leslie M. Jasper
-Author & Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast now alive on many platforms that include: Acast, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Soundcloud, Soundtrap, Spotify, Stitcher, Tune In, and YouTube.
-The Audio Blog: Verbally Disastrous Podcast & Construction Tales Blog. Now available on: Acast, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Soundcloud, Spotify, Stitcher, and Tune In.
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