Sharing A Relationship Question That Discusses Boundaries And Advice!

Hello Everyone!

I have been busy over the weekend and the first few days of the week. I have to prepare myself for the upcoming Friday podcast session. I have two ladies coming on with Melissa and I to discuss the pros and cons of choosing to not have children. They are going to share their journey in life and why they made their choice. I am also scheduling Kyle and House, from Second Shift Radio on Tune In, to discuss their favorite childhood memories. I went out socialized on Saturday evening in lower Manhattan. I had an even better time than I expected. I dodged the rain on Sunday and did a BBQ in the park with my sons. I feel like that is more fun, despite the work, than sitting in a restaurant. I have some videos that I had taken from Mother’s Day that I plan to load to YouTube this week. Our dogs Daisy and Otis were running around since the park was pretty empty. During my free time standing in line or waiting to pick something up, I will look on Quora to see if there is anything inspiring to write about. For this particular interest, I was hoping to help a young man avoid getting himself into problems with an obsessive young woman. I also plan to also share, on the next post, on a young 17-year old was dealing with the backlash of asking a 14-year old for nudes. I am sad these young kids cannot ask their parents for advice. This goal of these posts is to help a young person out and save them from themselves. When I read this question, the old 1980’s movie “Fatal Attraction” came to mind. I highly doubt an obsessive girl with no respect will improve with her behavior over time. When young women display red flags such as this one, it is wise to back out. Here is the posed question below:

POSED QUESTION:

“Why did this girl I barely know get mad when I asked her to stop texting me late at night and early in the morning? I am angry she is waking me up at night and I threatened to block her. Does anyone think she is entitled to my time or am I right?”

MY ADVICE:

“If either of my sons crossed paths with an obsessed young woman, I would advise to block her on the phone and social media. If a person you barely know is trying to tap into your time and energy at odd hours now, it only gets worse the more attached she becomes. You are right on this issue. You do not need to sacrifice your sleep or exhaust energy to entertain a strange female at odd hours. She is very wrong for assuming that this behavior is “normal”. I am sure it is flattering to have a young woman work hard to get your attention. However, your interaction already sounds toxic and invasive. Don’t let this young woman think her behavior is normal via you accepting or tolerating it. Put your foot down and demand respect. She will either back up and be respectful or keep pursuing you at weird hours. Beware of psycho girls who could very well be homicidal if it carries on too long and intense. I most sincerely wish you well on your choice and much luck!”

RESPONSE #1:

“What you are describing is common behaviour of narcissists. She’s trying to control you (by expecting you to respond immediately) and is trying to hog your time and energy. The fact that she got mad just makes it very difficult to see a different explanation for this. The normal response would be to apologise and cut it out. This person thinks you are not entitled to very normal boundaries. IMO it would be safest for you to block her from any communication channels where she can contact you”. -Eugenia Nova

RESPONSE #2:

“Undoubtedly nobody should think the “mad” girl who keeps texting you at antisocial hours is entitled to your time. This is an answer to your 2nd question. Trying to make it to the 1st question, on why she gets mad, there might be a variaty of single reasons as well as their combinations like a lack of ethical understanding, hypersensitivity caused by hormonal imbalance, too much free time, some patterns of personality disorders linked to striving for attention and recharge of others energy, difference in time zones, etc”. -Liudmila Puskunigiene

RESPONSE #3:

“Nobody can answer that better than you. It is perfectly legit to not want to be woken up at night, especially if you have work or school the next morning. I would wonder why she wants you to forego sleep to talk to her. If it’s because she likes you, “needy” isn’t the way to show it. Needy gets real old real fast. If she continues to violate your boundaries, just block her and be done with her drama. Good luck!” -Daphne Melaine

RESPONSE #4:

“just because someone texts you at night of early am is not really an issue.

  1. do not answer.
  2. Turn ring off.
  3. tell all your friends ( or select few) you do not answer any text after 10pm or before 8am.
  4. you have every right to make any rules.
  5. and to block anyone”. -Toni Venneberg

RESPONSE #5:

“If you tried to establish that boundary and she gets mad, imagine what would happen if it were a more important issue in the future. I think you’re right and if she is unwilling to accommodate your request, block her and don’t look back”. -Phil Johnson

RESPONSE #6:

“You can block her, or you can put your phone on silent, or put it in a dresser drawer. I get texts at night from overseas folks who want to be clients. I simply don’t answer them after a certain time. No real point in getting heated about an untimely text”. -Isaac Clark

RESPONSE #7:

“No she is not entitled to your time. As you said, you barely know her. She is mad because you are not interested in her. Hopefully she won’t be texting you again and if she does, then block her”. -Susan Conaghan

RESPONSE #8:

“Doesn’t sound like she has any respect for other people’s boundaries. If you just met her, and you don’t need to maintain a relationship with her, as in a work relationship, I’d block her”. -Bertina Lester

RESPONSE #9:  

“The answer is very simple, she doesn’t give a damn what you think. And, she’s only entitled to your time to the extent you are willing to give it to her”. -Edmond W Bugs Jones

What do you think of the question? How about the responses? If you could offer advice that differs, what would you say? I see that, as with other posed questions and answers, they run the gamut with perspective. A lot of people share the belief that the young woman has no respect for the young man. Nor does she respect his boundaries. She is not handling rejection too well. Others offer the solution of turning down the ringer or even putting it on vibrate or silent. Shutting my ringer down is a practice that I follow at night. I would think that a woman or man who has needy behavior is annoying and not flattering at all. Perhaps as you get older, you learn to reign in your energy and offer your time and energy in doses. I do have empathy for the young lady who has not taken the hint that the young man is not interested in her. It makes it even worse if the young man is not honest with his feelings on the situation. A person on the outside never knows the relationship dynamics. Only the people in the midst are aware of the cues, signals, communication, actions, or missing items that may be vital to the direction of the relationship. Some people can be flattered by the attention and not want to make it go away. It is totally understandable to withhold information that tells another person they are not interested since you don’t want to hurt their feelings. I remind myself that relationships take practice. Even more so when you are young. It takes time to find a person who is compatible and mentally healthy for a relationship. Watch those actions and let words go in and out of your ears. Especially if the words do not match the actions. Leave some comments below on what you think about the subject. Thanks for stopping by my little world of writings. I wish you a good Tuesday evening and the rest of the week!

Cheers!

Leslie M. Jasper

-Author & Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast now alive on many platforms that include: Acast, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Soundcloud, Soundtrap, Spotify, Stitcher, Tune In, and YouTube.

-The Audio Blog: Verbally Disastrous Podcast & Construction Tales Blog. Now available on: Acast, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Soundcloud, Spotify, Stitcher, and Tune In.

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