What Is Your Method Of Conflict Resolution?

Hello Everyone!

I found another interesting question on…drum roll…Quora! This question discusses a different way of communicating in lieu of a face to face argument. In my relationship career, I used to write out my thoughts in a typed letter. I would hand the letter out to the person a few days after writing it. The hardest part of a relationship is figuring out if the person is even capable of properly communicating. You can ask a person how they handle conflict and they can give a stock response. Anyone I have asked have told me that they are a good communicator. You won’t truly know that until the first major conflict occurs and the person is reacting under stress. By that point, it is possible to be already emotionally invested in this person. You may see enough value in the person to overlook how they react in an argument. However, if the person eludes to possibly exercising violence as a result of the argument, I want to bow out. There is zero excuse for a person to put their hands on another person during a heated exchange. Perhaps an indicator of their conflict resolution is through watching a person interact with their children? Then again, the adult holds the power dynamics. Therefore, it is a bad example. How do you figure out a person’s communication style under duress?? Do they shut down, scream, yell, or threaten violence?

I have heard about a man threaten with over the top yelling and screaming and elude to potential violence if the conversation continues. He would elude that he possibly could blow his top and lose control over himself. There are even men who threaten to break off the relationship due to the ongoing argument. Those type of people who do all of the above, forces a person to think of unorthodox methods of communicating. This is why walking away to text or write a letter can help to cool off a heated argument. I imagine a series of texts can be just as annoying as a yapping chihuahua compared to a face to face conversation. Perhaps the letter writing process gives time for both sides to cool off. You can back off an argument and write out how you feel. Even sit on the rough draft for 24-48 hours, then edit what you wrote, and print out your final draft. By this point, you have options. Once written, you can either deliver the letter or not. If you choose to not deliver, you can still set yourself free from the argument. You can burn the letter, bury it, throw in a lake, or throw it in the trash. It is good to get what you feel off your chest and onto paper then release it. I typically hand people the letters that I have written. In hindsight, I believe that I just want to be heard in the aftermath of an argument. Over the years, I have written a phrase on paper and have burned those words to get particular feelings off of my chest. This method can also apply to people who have hurt you in your past and are no longer on Earth. Here is the question and response below on communicating via text during a difficult situation.

POSED QUESTION:

“Why do people prefer to text in difficult situations?”

MY RESPONSE:

“When you text during a difficult and/or intense situation, you are better able to properly and completely convey your thoughts, via putting your words into print. During an intense emotional exchange, the proper words can be masked or lost within the sea of emotions. A good way to be misheard is through a heated exchange. That is terrible since minced words have a deep, lasting impact on a person’s soul. The inability to properly convey a thought can lead to a complete break down in communication that can give an improper translation. The person receiving the rant can lose the full message when their own emotions get in the way. The style of text communication may be, to some, considered as cowardly. Prior to the invent of electronics and the email, the popular mode of communication was the letter via the U.S. mail. Imagine life before email? People may not like written or electronic communication due to losing context in the process of writing and delivery. I believe written communication is a better way to relay both sides when one or more are “hot heads”. To many, texting may be a way of expressing their thoughts without having to put the distractions of deep emotions in the way. The other communicator receiving the conversation, may not normally allow the person texting any room to speak when in close proximity. With this style of delivery, the person texting is able to fully send what is on their mind. The receiver cannot interrupt nor mask the dialogue via engaging in a shouting match laced with intense emotions and obscenities. I also believe that texting and letters are “the receipts” of a very heated discussion. The downside is that you cannot erase “the receipts” after you have cooled down. This is why one must be very cautious about what they say and do. Hold onto a message that was written while angry, don’t send it, review the text when calm, edit it, then release it to the intended recipient. This is the best strategy to use. Words hit very differently the next few days after a heated argument in the cool down period. Also, don’t force a person to speak up when they have initially chosen to keep their anger inside them. They may be trying to hold in words that they know they cannot take back. Instead, ask for a well thought out text, email, or letter so you know where they are coming from. We all process feelings and emotions differently. We all react to stress differently as well. Many of us have had a tough road and bad sets of circumstances along our life paths. Therefore, you cannot use your bad childhood as an excuse for bad adult behavior. Breaking free from poor communication skills that you have learned as a child is tough and requires much mental strength and determination. You must always know that your words have a deep, long lasting impact. When angry, walk away from the source of duress and give yourself time to cool off. Don’t be afraid to use texting, email, or writing a letter as tools to be a mature communicator. If you have never done that before and want a better example for your children, then take steps to change your pattern of behavior. Alternate communication methods are very handy for proper and full communication without diving into a ball of emotions in order to get your point across and be heard. Much hard work yields big rewards! I wish you much luck on your journey in life!”

CONCLUSION:

Well, do you prefer to text a person versus having an in person discussion? I believe that I thought about writing out my thoughts right around the time I started college and writing my book #ConstructionTales. I indeed have a temper, sometimes it is slow to come out, and tend to raise my voice during a discussion. I also used to get tongue tied and would begin to cry and get emotional during a heated exchange. I am quite that many parts of my argument were lost in translation due to being emotional about the topic. I have dealt with men who liked to speak over my voice in an attempt to silence me. In hindsight, that method just made me stubborn and determined to be heard. I learned from my childhood environment how to handle conflict. I admit that it wasn’t the best example to follow. I saw plenty of verbal and physical abuse during my childhood era. Physical abuse was absolutely something that I was NOT taking with me to my own relationships with my sons. I admit that I did drag that style into my early years as a mother. Now that I am older, I am not a fan of using physical force to punish a child. Your children eventually get physically larger than you are when they become teens. I know for a fact that both of my sons are big and strong. Therefore, that physical abuse tactic is not a good habit to use for the duration of their childhood. I find that asking my sons for reflection and accountability is very hard for them. It is much tougher than getting a beating. Finding a partner who is very good at speaking during a conflict is just as important as what he looks like. I have dealt with men, over the years, who had zero communication skills. They would try to shut down the conversation and try to tuck it under the rug. That is until they have a position they want to be heard on. Both sides will want to be heard. If not, those pent up feelings bubble and simmer under the surface. If you don’t get those feelings out, the build up can cause an epic internal explosion.

As an older woman, I have found conflict resolution skills as a super important skillset to possess. Texting or other forms of written communication are good methods to avoid the pitfalls of a heated exchange. You can write out completely what you feel, there is a record of your position, and you can hope that your words were fully read. At the very least, those feelings are translated to words and now on the outside of your body. On the other hand, it is not good that a person has to resort to texting thoughts out of fear of any side effects of a heated exchange. In this regard, the writer is trying to save the other person from the fallout of their own bad behavior. With this in mind, one must really evaluate how often fights occur and if the risk is even worth it? It is wise to remove yourself from any partner that is capable of losing control and inflicting harm on the same people they claim to love and want to protect. Yes, I realize people are not perfect and even the best couples fight on occasion. Hopefully the person asking the question is not resorting to texting in order to avoid getting physically attacked in a fight with the partner. I am a fan of trying to avoid major conflicts and utilizing available tools to aid. I am willing to use any good method available in order to iron out some rough patches that pop up in a relationship.

What do you think about changing the mode of communication during an argument? Have you used that style of communication? If so, did it work out better? Hopefully, arguments are few and far between. Do you have any other clever tricks that work well in conflict resolution? Cohabitating with the opposite gender is not easy. Then you add in kids, -in laws, step parents and kids, mortgage, layoffs, changing homes, funerals, grandchildren, new family members, tax increases, etc. When you think about it, it’s amazing to bring together two genders from different religions, two different childhoods and backgrounds, different socioeconomic places in society. With so many different factors, you mesh two people together and try to get along as best as possible. With all of those factors and more in consideration, couples who last a long time are commendable!! Kudos to the couple who sticks together and goes through many years in life with their ball and chain. 😛 They overcame many obstacles together and found some sense of unity and happiness. As stated before, feel free to leave your thoughts on the subject below. Let me know about your unorthodox yet successful methods of conflict resolution that has worked for your family. I thank you for stopping by my blog and reading my thoughts from your part of the globe. You have many options within the sea of content on the world wide web. You are appreciated for giving me a slice of your free time. I wish you a good hump day (in the camel’s voice from the commercial) and a productive rest of the week!!

Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper

-Author And Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast now alive on many platforms that include: Acast, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Soundcloud, Soundtrap, Spotify, Stitcher, Tune In, and YouTube.

-The Audio Blog: Verbally Disastrous Podcast And Construction Tales Blog. Now available on: Acast, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Soundcloud, Spotify, Stitcher, and Tune In.

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