Advice On How To Deal With A “Clinger”

Photo Credit: Movie “Wedding Crashers”

Hello Everyone!

I stumbled upon this question on Quora. I giggle and cringe whenever I see the term “clinger”. This term is synonymous with other terms such as: “batshit crazy”, “psycho”, “controlling”, “obsessed”, or “privacy invader”. Dealing with a “Stage 5 Clinger” {you can thank the movie “Wedding Crashers” for that term} definitely restricts a person’s freedom or hopes of doing anything solo ever again. I am convinced that clingers are never happy and constantly miserable souls. Is it possible that the label is slapped on women way too much? I sure as hell have learned that men can be clingers too!! Men who want to control what you wear, where you go, who you socialize with, and what you do are also clingers. Go ahead and try to change my mind. I would imagine that anyone who fears commitment would call a person trying to lock them down in a relationship a clinger. I envision a clinger who basically does EVERYTHING with their partner. If you attempt to try to do anything solo, the clinger will mope around and be super annoying with their emotions and behavior. The clinger might as well live with their partner since they spend so much time together anyway. I’m sure that in the beginning, it is flattering to have a clinger for a partner. After all, this person cannot get enough of you. They are selfless in nature, very dedicated to you, and willing to invest tremendous blocks of time getting to know you. Over time, the flattery fades and the need to do things solo becomes stronger and stronger. A clinger would sure hate me as a partner. I would most certainly make a clinger absolutely miserable!

I remember, many years ago, when my ex put a tracking device feature on my phone. I felt like this was an ultra clinger move. We had a family cell phone plan and he took it upon himself to randomly add it. It made zero sense as to why he was doing it. I have never had to step out on anyone in my life. I will face the person and end the relationship like a strong woman before doing any kind of nonsense like that. I was seething with anger upon discovery of this via a welcome text from my cell phone provider. I asked him to remove it since I am an adult and not a child that needs to be monitored. I felt like he was trying to control me. He opted to keep it on despite my irritation with the concept. So, I went into ultra, super bitch mode. I remember being perplexed with his decision to add this to the phone. I approached my work crew at coffee about the burning issue. As soon as I mentioned this dilemma, my crew burst out laughing. They collectively said, “when do you have time to do anything else!?” At the time, I was getting up at 3AM for work, working overtime, teaching 1 night a week at a college, at night school earning my masters in business, weekend home improvement projects, and managing a household with two energetic sons. I fell asleep, at times, in my college classes. I was way too tapped with my life to add sneaking in another dude. One co-worker said, “a guilty hand points the finger”. Well my friends, that’s another story… Despite being tired, I opted to drive him crazy with randomly driving different places after work. I walk in from work and he yelled, “where were you??” I told him to go check his tracker!! After a few more random trips, he dropped the tracking feature off my phone. The moral to the story: I don’t take too kindly to clingers!!

Now, check out the posed question and my response as well. If you want to add to the discussion, feel free to leave a comment in the comment section at the end of this post. I am active on my social media sites. I have started being more active on my Twitter account as well. You can find me on Twitter by using my name: @LeslieMJasper. I am honored to be picking up new readers through my interactions with new friends on Twitter. Thanks so much!! I will appreciate it if you like, share, and subscribe to my Verbally Disastrous YouTube channel as well. Shout out to my newest Verbally Disastrous YouTube channel subscribers! My numbers are picking up, averaging 3-5k per day, on traffic and subscribers. I am willing to accept topic ideas for discussion as well. Carry on and read the clinger question and response peeps!

POSED QUESTION:

“Why do I feel so clingy or annoying to him?”

Ailyn Pastran

MY RESPONSE:

“There are a few reasons as to why a person comes off as clingy and that is interpreted as annoying. I am a rather independent chick in a relationship so I don’t go with the clingy vibe. I give plenty of space in a relationship to let them do as they wish and I expect the same. I would be annoyed with a guy if he was clingy. Sorry to say but it’s not endearing at all. There is a reason for everything. You may have grown up in a childhood where your parents showered you with hugs and kisses. On the other hand, your key childhood or former relationships were not steady or may even ghosted you. That kind of trauma can deeply impact you via developing insecurities. Now as an adult, you tend to smother him out of fear of losing him. Over time, those worst fears will manifest where you push him away. Let the man go out with his buddies for wings and beer. There are plenty of beautiful women that walk the Earth. He chose you for a reason. Hounding the man will not keep him from doing something that he wants to do. You can’t control his behavior. You can only control your reaction. Don’t react until a situation comes to pass. In the meantime, life your best life. If your hobbies evolve around your partner, then you need to discover new hobbies that are independent from him. It’s obvious that your love language doesn’t match your partner’s. Always try to put yourself in his shoes. For a person who is not accustomed to that style of affection, it can be perceived as clingy. The received attention can feel very overwhelming for people who grew up in cold environments where cascades of affection were not demonstrated. Hopefully, your partner was somewhat kind when he verbalized his overwhelmed emotions. Take the issue seriously. I understand his frustration about being smothered. The good thing is that you are aware of your behavior and how it is impacting him. Armed with this knowledge, you can work to scale back your avalanche of affection and give the man some space. Keep in mind that there are billions of men that walk the Earth. He is not the only man you can develop a relationship with in life. Work to step back from the relationship and give your man some breathing room. If you keep putting tremendous pressure on him, he will run for the hills eventually. If you can, you need to see a therapist and figure out how to dial back your need to cling. If that is not an option, then work each week to give the man a day where you are not occupying his time. Don’t text him late at night checking up on him, don’t get moody when he doesn’t give you enough attention, and don’t manipulate the situation via withholding sex. Work on being the best version of yourself. If it is not good enough and he bounces, just continue to work on yourself. The next many who crosses your path may LOVE the attention. I sincerely wish you luck on finding that balance in your relationship”.

Leslie M. Jasper

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-I-feel-so-clingy-or-annoying-to-him/answer/Leslie-Jasper-3?prompt_topic_bio=1

What do you think about the advice? Do you have different advice to offer? Leave your feedback down below. Are you guilty of being a clingy partner? Are you an independent person in a relationship? I walked from a relationship two years ago. I gave the man enough freedom and rope and he repeatedly hung himself. I have put myself out there in the whole dating pool. Until I cross paths with a good man, I will enjoy the solitude. I thank you for stopping by on my side of the world. You have many options and I am honored that you have dedicated your time to peep my content. Now that we are friends, you need to come by more often. Okay? As stated a million times previously, I appreciate your feedback, comments, and suggestions to improve my content. I wish you a peaceful evening or morning on your side of the world. You are appreciated and I hope you get a laugh or two our of my tall tales and detailed observations. I shall harass ya again soon enough so have a fabulous Saturday evening during this holiday weekend! Peace out, Cub Scout my friends! 😛

Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper

-Author And Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast now alive on many platforms that include: Acast, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Pandora Podcasts, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Soundcloud, Soundtrap, Spotify, Stitcher, Tune In, and YouTube.

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