Advice On Setting Boundaries On A Narcissist

Hello Everyone!

I sure hope you are staying warm and dry on this rather chilly Thursday evening!? The good thing is that each day we are closer to warmer weather and spring season. Why not shamelessly promote my book entitled, “Construction Tales: Volume I: A Woman’s Journey To Be An Electrician” and edited teen version of #ConstructionTales that is entitled, “Construction Tales: A Young Person’s Guide To Accomplish Anything In Life” with you? It is available on Audible in audio (links down below) as well as paperback and e-book for: Amazon, iTunes, and Barnes & Noble. I thank you ahead of time for peeping my book content and/or subscribing to either one of my YouTube channels. My first children’s book entitled, “Not All Girls Play With Dolls” is coming very soon. I intercepted a Quora topic on navigating around boundaries with a narcissist. Thankfully, the intensity of those challenges with a person in particular has subsided in the past 21-years to more tolerable levels. It is super hard to deal with a narcissist that you cannot remove them from your life. I feel highly frustrated and like a fool for not seeing who they were much earlier in life. I was not the only one who didn’t see behind the mask. Others had a way different impression of him as well. The saddest part is watching a family member come to the realization of who the guy really is behind the mask. This person thrives on attempting to cut other people down, via their vicious verbal tirades. I have come to the conclusion that a “hurt dog hollers”. It can’t be fun being in the mind and body of a miserable person. Their realization that they are not who they say/want to be must be rough. I know that I must have had a deep impact on his life for him to desperately attempt to hurt me mentally. Any time I used to deal with this nonsense, I would remind myself of these sad facts. Yes, the guy wasn’t officially diagnosed as a narcissist. Let’s look at the checklist of a narcissist down below. According to the list, he has all of the textbook traits of a narcissist. Do you know of people who follow this list who spew lies like a cloud of smoke? How do you deal with them? What kind of boundaries do you set? Any success? If you could do it over, how would you approach the narcissist? I believe my set boundaries have served me well over the past 10-years. I’m sure I could have done better to handle the behavior of this narcissist. These kinds of people are hard to exercise silence around them when they try their hardest to evoke an emotional response with their verbal tirades. Thankfully, the relationship has been much lighter today compared to the past. Keeping the peace is the best path for my life. Here is the posed question along with my response down below:

How To Recognize A Narcissist:

POSED QUESTION:

“Have you ever set a boundary with a narcissist? What was their response?”

By Amy Potter

MY RESPONSE:

“Ohh yes!! I have had to deal with one particular narcissist for the past 21-years now. For many years, he had an amazing mask that fooled me as well as many other mutual friends and family. The person who I thought he was is a stark contrast compared to reality. Sadly, when you are tied to people, via family, completely cutting him off is not an option. The saddest part is seeing mutual family members come to the realization of who he actually is in real life. It’s hard to deal with narcissists who are compelled to go on a vicious smear campaign when it is time to cut ties. I set a few boundaries with this one particular person. I no longer allowed this guy in my house. I didn’t step foot inside his house either. I don’t break bread with him, share holidays, or opt to be within 6-feet of this person when the time came to be stuck in the same room. Perhaps today I could tolerate some of these events. His choice to throw out passive aggressive comments makes me reconsider this notion- never mind. I have even removed myself from in-person situations if either of our voices were raised. Instead of getting on the phone, I would take the time to write out my position and sent it, via email. There was quite a few back and forth emails that were “healthier” than speaking in person or over the phone. I then started to offer very limited verbal communication; that’s strictly business for updates only. For many years, the only way I would speak with this person was via text. I wanted a record of our chats since he was extremely angry and bitter. It’s also easier to call a person out on their lies with written communication. If any of the periodic update text chats really got off track, I would shut it down completely and walk away from my phone. I have even temporarily blocked his number. I would restore it once I was mentally prepared to engage with him again. I have even told him to email me only. This limited mode of communication infuriated this fella HIGHLY since he REALLY didn’t like not being able to communicate over the phone as he saw fit. Out of all of the boundaries, this one bothered him the most. I can’t control what he does but I can control my absorption of his verbal diarrhea. Sadly, I have to be cautious with him since he would take his anger out on our mutual family member and anyone in earshot. He would feel that he is entitled to scream at me and speak as he wished. It doesn’t occur to him that his behavior is way out of line. People get REALLY mad when the gravy train stops and they are no longer able to take advantage of another person. At times, he was super vicious with his attempts at trying to throw verbal daggers at me. His absolute goal has been to break me down. I’m glad that I have thick skin, as a construction worker, and do not allow his nonsense to penetrate my heart and soul. I look at him like an angry and bitter man who is extremely unhappy with life yet not motivated to make the necessary changes. I don’t always feel up to enduring his verbal tirades so I would completely shut down the communication. His response to my limiting of communication resulted in other spiteful tactics that are too personal to disclose. Spreading the biggest lies to mutual co-workers was one of his revenge tactics on me. Manipulating the minds of various family members was another tactic used. I’m sad for one particular family member who feels totally deceived by his lies and manipulation. This person has seen through the fog of deception. I’m glad that his lies were not consistent and some family members have since called him out on his “stories”. Anyone who has poked holes in his web of lies have been totally cut off by him. Calling him out to other family members on his web of deception has received the biggest response from him. He has been super manipulative with other family members in response to shaking up his tree of tall tales. Thankfully, over the past 9-years, the relationship has slowly improved to a tolerable level. Not feeding into the verbal abuse rants, via responding to his rant, has helped with easing tensions that could have escalated even higher. I refuse to be put in a situation that escalates into violence. Thankfully, the turmoil has subsided compared to the initial destruction of our relationship. In the past year, I have graduated to having periodic phone calls, when they are necessary. He tries to have even deeper conversations with me after the necessary update. I have to be polite and use, “being busy” as an excuse to get off the phone. Once you opt to lie about me behind my back and extend such disgusting, manipulating behavior, I will never trust you again. I refuse to pretend that he is back in my good graces. I tolerate him only because I have to do so for the sake of my family member. It’s very hard to deal with a narcissist. They accuse you of the exact things that they are guilty of doing. Thankfully, I don’t know the full extent of his reaction towards my setting of boundaries. It has taken quite a few years to understand exactly how to deal with this person. Their tongues can be venomous poison for anyone in the path of the wrath. For your own mental health, it is best to steer clear and establish strong boundaries where you stick to your guns with great consistency. The sad part was, at one time, we were very close and had a strong bond. It was indeed the death of a close friendship. I deal with him in the best way that I can. Perhaps this experience has made me become an even better communicator. May you have much success managing your encounters with narcissists in your world.”

By Leslie M. Jasper

https://www.quora.com/Have-you-ever-set-a-boundary-with-a-narcissist-What-was-their-response/answer/Leslie-Jasper-3?prompt_topic_bio=1

You are appreciated for checking out my advice on my blog today. Let me know about your encounters with a narcissist. Is it a challenge for you to manage them if you can’t remove them from your life? If you dare, drop your thoughts down in the comment section down below. At some point, I may write a memoir about this relationship and the challenges. I may wait until the family member passes away before releasing it. I would do it since it would be healing process to write it out for me. More than likely, it would be a retirement writing project. I’m sharing my latest (7) podcast episodes that are listed down below from The Verbally Disastrous Podcast, via links for Spotify & YouTube down below. If you are into reading on a Kindle, check out my newest short story release that belongs to my Construction Tales-Told By A Woman Kindle Vella Library short story series on Amazon down below. Short story #10 is entitled, “Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice”. I released short story #10 that is now live. If anyone has read any of my other short stories, by all means, let me know what you think? Check out the links for my book #ConstructionTales down below. I’m working on some upcoming podcast guests for the beginning of the Year 2022. I have an acquaintance who is a practicing Satanist. At some point, I want to chat with him/her about a recent choice to transition from a man to a woman. There is a goal to try to use Twitch and do this interview with my upcoming guest. Melissa and I also need to find time to get together and discuss our impending topic on our most embarrassing moments. It’s now rather late so it’s time for me to get some rest. Now go carry on with your Thursday now that we are close to finishing up another work week. I wish you a great morning/afternoon/evening on your side of the globe and a restful or productive day!

U.S.A.: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

United Kingdom: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

France, Belgium, Switzerland: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

Germany, Austria, Switzerland: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

Verbally Disastrous-On Spotify

Verbally Disastrous Presents- Season #1, Episode #39: Part A-Most Random Encounters!! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Presents- Season #1, Episode #40: Part B-Most Random Encounters!! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Season #1, Ep. #41: Part A- Working On The Railroad With The Tools As A Chick! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Season #1, Ep. #42: Part B- Working On The Railroad With The Tools As A Chick! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #43: Part A- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #44: Part B- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #45: Part C- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #2, Episode #46: Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice On YouTube:

I just shared my latest short story that has been loaded up to my Construction Tales-Told By A Woman Kindle Vella Library on Amazon. This is short story #10 entitled, “Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice”. This short story covers some initial life lessons such as guarding your personal information, managing nasty rumors, combating sexual harassment, gender discrimination, and racism. Overall, the construction culture has improved dramatically over the past 25-years. Developing both a thick skin and a sharp tongue are key tools needed to survive various jobsite antics. The previous short story is entitled: #9: “I’m Working On The Railroad With The Tools As A Chick!”. I decided to write about some stories from when I worked with the tools on the railroad. I shared a story of saving a co-worker from a near death experience! I hope you learn something from this short story. There are more to come. This short story is now also available as (2) Verbally Disastrous podcast episodes.

Construction Tales- Told By A Woman: (10) Kindle Vella Short Stories On Amazon!!

The Verbally Disastrous Store On Tee-Spring:

The Verbally Disastrous Store On Tee-Spring

https://my-store-c1f946.creator-spring.com

Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper

-Author And Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast now alive on many platforms that include: Acast, Amazon Music, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Pandora Podcasts, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Reason, Soundcloud, Soundtrap, Spotify, Stitcher, Tune In, and YouTube.

-The Audio Blog: Verbally Disastrous Podcast And Construction Tales Blog. Now available on: Acast, Amazon Music, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Pandora Podcasts, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Reason, Soundcloud, Spotify, Stitcher, and Tune In.

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