Advice: Reviewing How I’d Tackle Feedback On Taking Comments “So Personally”

Photo Credit: http://www.Quora.com

TRIGGER WARNING!! THIS CONTENT MAY BE HARMFUL TO SENSITIVE READERS!!

Hello Everyone!

Hopefully, you are powering through this hump day Wednesday afternoon!? I’m happy to see that my Kindle Vella short story #11 entitled, “Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools” is now live on Amazon. Guess who found more questions for your reading pleasure on Quora? That’s right- this gal! 🙂 I’m debating as to whether or not I’m the best or worst person to answer this question. I rarely take anything that comes out of a person’s mouth as personal. However, it doesn’t make me immune to another person who could perceive me as taking a comment too personally. For my entire career, I have been submersed amongst a pool of the biggest savages. These people live to see another person react wildly to their cesspool of filthy comments. I’m not immune to this pleasure. I’ve learned how to dive even deeper into the cesspool in an effort to find something even worse to respond during my 29-year career in construction. Watching the blood leave from a co-worker’s face while they’re responding to my retort was deeply satisfying. I once called a co-worker a, “regurgitated piece of afterbirth”. This co-worker realized that he couldn’t gross me out and force me to back down. Some guys say stuff in an effort to pull a power move and dominate my emotions. I literally have a force shield around my emotions when I’m at work. I’ve been told that I’m a woman who is to be seen and not heard. One co-worker called me Monica Lewinsky since I’m fat and probably need to suck d*ck in order to get by in life. Meanwhile, I’m super muscular like a dude and can lift a car. I’ve gotten my fair share of ball breaking on my manly strength and perceptions on my physical appearance. I’ve even had co-workers ask my why I’m even there? I should have snagged a man so that I can be a housewife. Sadly, many times I’ve had to meet fire with fire- a bigger flame that forces them to back down. Many times, I’ve shifted the power dynamic from them trying to torment me to my retorts driving the co-worker to rage while I’m laughing and getting co-workers in earshot a hearty laugh. I’d be lying if I said that these moments didn’t give me sheer satisfaction. One co-worker used to call me the “Double Entendre Queen” since some of my retorts could be interpreted as either normal or sexually laden dialogue. I’d have to ask some co-workers of some of my responses since I cannot remember everything. I’m sure some of my retorts have been seared into the mind of a co-worker from years past. Now that I’ve been in management, I can’t interact in the same manner. I’m sure the “Me Too” movement would have some impact on limiting that banter as well. That is the one thing that I miss about the tools. You can decide if I am the worst or an expert to answer this question- I won’t be offended. I’ve heard even worse. Now do you still wonder why there are not more women in construction? My pal Brian Reyes did recall a time, in the “Tramping In Cali” 3-part podcast episodes, when he was told to not help a woman on the job. Meanwhile, the task required two sets of hands. He was told that if she wanted to be in construction, she needs to pull more than her own weight. Brian ended up helping the young woman regardless. I had a guy force me, as a 2nd year apprentice, to use my hacksaw and cut 12″-inch pieces of 1-5/8″ strut that are 10-feet per length. This was despite the fact that there was a bandsaw power tool nearby. His goal was to break me. I should do a podcast episode about times co-workers wanted to try to break me. By now, perhaps you have an idea as to how I developed a turtle shell? LOL- if not, keep reading my blog, book, and podcast content. Here is the posed question and my response down below:

POSED QUESTION:

“What do you say if someone says you are taking everything so personally?”

By Raiseyy K

MY RESPONSE:

“Firstly, I somewhat laughed at the question since I found it to be humorous. I have developed a thick skin, like leather, as a female construction worker over the past 29-years. I’ve trained myself to not take anything personally. I will teach you how to be a stone wall like me. 😛 I’m approaching this question as if someone has ever said this to me and it actually applied to me. How would I tackle it? I would have to step back from this feedback emotionally. Instead, I would have to approach this feedback logically. Why am I taking the comments so personally? Were each of the comments said once? twice? Are the comments all built off each other? What was the person’s response when delivering their feedback? I would also have to think about my responses to the person’s comments. When repeating back to my responses in my mind, do they sound whiny? Exactly how does the comments evoke emotion? What kneejerk thought comes to mind when I reflect on the comments? Does my feedback sound like I went down the rabbit hole to think a generalized comment applied to me personally? Did I take into account the responder’s sarcasm or jovial approach? Do we have a conflict in personality? Oftentimes, comments are said in jest to evoke a laugh do come from a sliver of truth. I have to determine if I want these words to have power over my emotions? I need to evaluate the root source of the person’s words. You have to realize that not everything that comes from a person’s lips is intended to cut you like a dagger. If you genuinely believe that this person is being hurtful, then limit your interactions with them. If I can’t get past the comment, then it would be logical to set a boundary and ask the person to avoid the topic in my presence. Then again, as a female construction worker, I have never told anyone to not speak about a topic in front of me. If I was foolish enough to do that while at work, it’s like a bell over my head inviting co-workers to break my chops even more rigorously. There is a saying that, “there are no feelings in construction”. My work life approach to conflict has slightly seeped into my personal life. I’ve personally learned to have an equally sharp tongue and find something to fire back. I’ve broken their chops to the extent that the initial interaction was forgotten. Years ago, I even had one guy approach me in anger, and borderline tears, while asking me to back off of him. Of course, this was after him needling me on a daily basis with accusations of being an inept worker because of my gender. (I speak even further about my return fire of momma’s boy comments on my #ConstructionTales blog.) I’ve learned that people can’t handle a dose of their own medicine. Now, I will lightly break a person’s chops in my own personal life. I save my epic savagery for co-workers who dare to rattle my emotions while at work. I prefer and gravitate towards peace and harmony in my sanctuary at home. However, I’m not afraid of returning fire or even initially being playful with a person, via using sarcasm. However, my goal would be to never hurt anyone. I believe that a one time discussion is one thing. Speak your peace on it and walk away. If the person keeps bringing it up, they are trying to evoke your emotions. Personally, if I cross paths with a vicious person in my personal life, perhaps I would dodge them socially. This person would have to be constantly trying to say things that are intended to harm me on a regular basis. My sons call me a “cinder flower” so perhaps I’m either the best or worst person to respond to this question. I don’t tend to take what people say as personal. I’m too stubborn to allow vicious people to take up space in my head for free rent. I believe that they as speaking based upon their series of life experiences. Talking points are their free choice to convey. My responsibility only lies with how I consume the data and how I allow future data to cross my path. At the end of the day, YOU have to assess if you are genuinely taking the comments personal. You also have to assess if the intent was harm or just speaking freely. Set boundaries on future interactions or dodge that person if it is best for your mental health. You are the captain of your ship and have the power over your mind, body, and soul. Only you know what is the right thing to do. Take the feedback into consideration and move accordingly. I wish you much luck on your future interactions that occur along your life path.”

By Leslie M. Jasper

https://www.quora.com/What-do-you-say-if-someone-says-you-are-taking-everything-so-personally/answer/Leslie-Jasper-3?prompt_topic_bio=1

Thanks for swinging by the blog to check my advice. Let me know, in the comment section below, if you either like or dislike my advice? If you hold a position, why do you believe the way you do? Would you consider yourself to be very sensitive? Do you have a hardened shell like a turtle just like myself? How did you develop your turtle shell? Mine came from work and my personal life experiences as a survival tactic. It’s pretty safe to say that I won’t become sensitive any time soon. I’m sorry if that disappoints you (a joke). Sensitive people will not like my content anyways. I’m also sharing my latest (8) podcast episodes that are listed down below from The Verbally Disastrous Podcast, via links for Spotify & YouTube down below. If you are into reading on a Kindle, check out my newest short story release that belongs to my Construction Tales-Told By A Woman Kindle Vella Library short story series on Amazon down below. This new short story #11 is entitled, “Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools”. This short story covers my life as a widowed, single mother in the era when I juggled both motherhood and my career as a journeywoman electrician. The previous short story is #10 is entitled, “Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice”. If anyone has read any of my other previous short stories, by all means, let me know what you think? Check out the links for my book #ConstructionTales down below. Hopefully, I will hang out and do some fun activities with Melissa this upcoming weekend. I need to go focus on a little more pimping out my content on social media then tackle some more painting. Enjoy your Wednesday now that we are right smack in the middle of grinding out the work week. I wish you a great morning/afternoon/evening on your side of the globe and a restful or productive day!

U.S.A.: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

United Kingdom: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

France, Belgium, Switzerland: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

Germany, Austria, Switzerland: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

Photo Credit: Construction Tales: Volume I: A Woman’s Journey To Become An Electrician
Photo Credit: Construction Tales: A Young Person’s Guide To Accomplish Anything In Life
Verbally Disastrous-On Spotify

Verbally Disastrous Season #1, Ep. #41: Part A- Working On The Railroad With The Tools As A Chick! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Season #1, Ep. #42: Part B- Working On The Railroad With The Tools As A Chick! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #43: Part A- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #44: Part B- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #45: Part C- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #2, Episode #46:Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice On YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Podcast! S#2, Ep. #47: Part A- Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Podcast! S#2, Ep. #48: Part B- Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools on YouTube:

I recently shared my latest short story that has been loaded up to my Construction Tales-Told By A Woman Kindle Vella Library on Amazon. This is short story #11 entitled, “Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools”. This short story covers my life as a widowed, single mother in the era when I juggled both motherhood and my career as a journeywoman electrician. I share the various challenges I faced and lessons learned along the way. The previous short story is entitled: #10: “Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice”. I decided to write about some life lessons such as guarding your personal information, managing nasty rumors, combating sexual harassment, gender discrimination, and racism. Overall, the construction culture has improved dramatically over the past 25-years. Developing both a thick skin and a sharp tongue are key tools needed to survive various jobsite antics. I hope you learn something from this short story. There are more to come. These short stories are now also available as Verbally Disastrous podcast episodes.

Construction Tales- Told By A Woman: (11) Kindle Vella Short Stories On Amazon!!

The Verbally Disastrous Store On Tee-Spring:

The Verbally Disastrous Store On Tee-Spring

https://my-store-c1f946.creator-spring.com

Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper

-Author And Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast now alive on many platforms that include: Acast, Amazon Music, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Pandora Podcasts, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Reason, Soundcloud, Soundtrap, Spotify, Stitcher, Tune In, and YouTube.

-The Audio Blog: Verbally Disastrous Podcast And Construction Tales Blog. Now available on: Acast, Amazon Music, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Pandora Podcasts, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Reason, Soundcloud, Spotify, Stitcher, and Tune In.

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