Advice: Calling Out A Verbally Abusive Person

Photo Credit: http://www.mcsmag.com

Hello Everyone!

How is the work/home flow going on your on your Monday afternoon!? As I ask in each and every damn post lately, please connect with my son John Collazo on his social media that is under his name for his “Call To Action Marketing” #CTAMarketing brand that he is building. For this blog post, I’m sharing with you some more custom crafted construction chick advice. I have empathy for the woman who is faced with navigating around an asshole. It’s impossible to go through life without dealing with some angry co-worker. Miserable people suck!! We all take a dirt nap and leave this planet some day. In the meantime, why harness and exude nasty energy?? The only thing you have in this life is your word and your legacy. Why taint your legacy with bad memory associations? It could be possible that the other person is not the brightest bulb in the pack or the sharpest pencil. Those kinds of folks require a slow bouncing ball and are frustrating. However, it is still not a pass to verbally berate someone. We are all human and working with what God gave us. I always say to fight fire with humor laced fire. When you make the exchange funny, then you no longer feel that you are being targeted and may take the pressure off of the situation. Making fun of a person’s verbal beatings with a sharp, humorous retort can soften the blow and even make them look stupid. I find humor to be a great deflection shield that dramatically shifts the power dynamics in a relationship. If I poke fun at everything you say, it fizzles out the impact of your words. Humor gives me an excuse to laugh back at you to where it no longer hurts me. Thankfully, I’m built like a brick shit house so I’m very rarely physically challenged. There is nothing worse than a guy running his mouth and actually getting his ass kicked by a chick with an audience of your peers. The dude might as well leave the business or face constant random nicknames and jokes about that time when he got body slammed by the temp bathrooms on the 10th floor by that construction chick. I’ve had a few start saying some nonsense and a co-worker would warn him to not go there since I enjoy return fire ball breaking immensely. I took on way more verbal tirades as an apprentice back in the 90’s. I didn’t want to get kicked out of the program due to some spiteful journeyman. I had one general foreman who would go way over the line and he pushed many boundaries. My nickname, at one point of my apprenticeship, was Monica Lewinsky. When asked as to the source of my nickname, he would say that I’m a big girl and should suck dick to get ahead. He used to playfully sing, “sexual harassment for Leslie starts at 7:01AM!”

Of course, the worst thing is to cave in emotionally and get upset about the nickname or anything that was said to me. Instead of showing anger or crying, I laughed it off each and every time. I gave him no power over my emotions. One time, I even slid in, on a waxed floor, on my knees to bring in some material that was requested. At some point, he laid off the jokes and gave me respect. He even requested me as his apprentice since he liked my work ethic. I wrote about this particular general foreman in my book #ConstructionTales so I won’t speak further on the details. If the modern #MeToo people of today ever heard what was said on average back on those job sites, they would lose their minds! The people who are genuinely harassed stay in the shadows and never reveal anything. In my 29-years of working in construction, I’ve never filed a harassment complaint and I never will. I would settle the score as to what means are necessary in person. Life on the job is rough for a woman who files harassment. Her name precedes her on any jobsite before she even steps foot there. I’ve seen it in the past. A woman came on my job and the guys heard she filed a harassment on a guy. My crew said that I had to be the ears and protect them. Of course, that is exactly what I would do since I’m considered as “one of the guys”. The general foreman put her with me and of course I asked her as to the harassment story. According to her story, the guy pulled a douche move on her that made her feel embarrassed and disrespected. He opened up her vest and said he was looking to see how cold it was and if her “headlights” were on. I looked at her in shock! The story went all of the way to the top of the shop when she asked a shop steward for advice. I told her that I would have had to beat his ass in the parking lot or on the jobsite. Because of that story, it will be hard for her to last on a project since she will be perceived as trouble waiting to happen. Yes, I only heard her side to the story so I technically have to reserve judgement. I even dealt with a dude on the job where my work partner gave him the nickname, “the groper”. I would be on the ladder and working in the closet. All of a sudden, I would feel a hand in between my thighs behind my knee. Of course, he would move the hand up my leg and I would yell at him to GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!! He would usually do it when he saw that I had both hands critically holding equipment and I could not slap him. He got slapped a few times. I am humored with his antics even if they made me uncomfortable. I’ve become de-sensitized to what anyone does and I’m well aware of it. What I find humor in, another person would cringe. That is a side effect of years of deflecting unwanted advances. I can go on and on about different people and their unwanted advances. I even had a female tradeswoman approach me in the bathroom on a jobsite with some unwanted sexual attention. That one kind of shocked me! These stories are reserved for future book volumes. Just know that the real people who are harassed suffer in silence or they speak up later on like me. Now, go ahead and read this posed question and my response down in the comment section below:

POSED QUESTION:

“How do I call out someone who tears me down, makes snarky comments towards me, and competes/imitates me?”

By Brittney Coleman

MY RESPONSE:

“A person who feels compelled to say nasty remarks to you is projecting their own poor sense of self esteem and misery. Happy people do not verbally and emotionally beat down others. The old sayings that apply say, “hurt dogs holler” and “misery loves company”. I would think that, when faced with this person’s verbal diarrhea, you can call them right out on the carpet and embarrass them. Pose these questions, “are you looking for me to cry?! What’s the point of your snarky comment? Do you feel better now?” The intent is to evoke an emotional response from that person. No matter how hard to home it hits, don’t give them that emotional fuel. If you do not like a confrontation, then resort to using humor. I always recommend lacing your retorts with laughter and humor. In my 29-years as a female electrician, I always face any kind of nonsense like that with humor. I sometimes over exaggerate a situation by using humor, facial expressions, and hand gestures. I’ve been known to playfully mock a person in return. I’m sure to have a laughing audience behind me to drive the point home. I had a guy mock my gender as a 1st year apprentice (written in my book #ConstructionTales) so I playfully fought back. At ANY chance I could get, I started playfully accusing him of being a momma’s boy. He would have sheetrock dust on his face and I would ask him if it was dried breast milk? Over time, he approached me about my humor and said he’d knock me out if I was a guy. I even played into that response by being rather theatrical and grinning while saying “go ahead” and pointing to my cheek. This caused anyone in ear shot to laugh at my antics. He backed down since he didn’t like being picked on in return. Fight fire with fire and humor. It’s a good podcast episode idea to discuss on my #VerballyDisastrous podcast. I wish you luck with shifting the dynamics into your favor.”

By Leslie M. Jasper

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-call-out-someone-who-tears-me-down-makes-snarky-comments-towards-me-and-competes-imitates-me/answer/Leslie-Jasper-3?prompt_topic_bio=1

I thank you for stopping what you were doing before to come onto my blog and read my advice post. Let me know your thoughts? Hopefully, my advice on using humor to battle angst will help out someone. That is indeed the goal. Drop your response down in the comment section below since epic stories are encouraged and embraced here on my website/blog. I’m sharing my latest (8) podcast episodes that come from The Verbally Disastrous Podcast, via links for Spotify & YouTube down below. If you read a Kindle, check out my newest short story release that belongs to my Construction Tales-Told By A Woman Kindle Vella Library short story series on Amazon down below. This new short story #11 is entitled, “Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools”. This short story covers my life as a widowed, single mother in the era when I juggled both motherhood and my career as a journeywoman electrician. The previous short story is #10 is entitled, “Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice”. If anyone has read any of my other previous short stories, by all means, let me know what you think? Check out the links for my book #ConstructionTales down below. I’m at work trying to keep looking busy!! Have a fabulous Monday since we are right back at the beginning of the damn work week again! I wish you a great morning/afternoon/evening on your side of the globe and a restful or productive day!

Photo Credit: Call To Action Marketing Logo- John Collazo, CEO

U.S.A.: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

United Kingdom: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

France, Belgium, Switzerland: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

Germany, Austria, Switzerland: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

Verbally Disastrous-On Spotify

Verbally Disastrous Season #1, Ep. #41: Part A- Working On The Railroad With The Tools As A Chick! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Season #1, Ep. #42: Part B- Working On The Railroad With The Tools As A Chick! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #43: Part A- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #44: Part B- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #45: Part C- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #2, Episode #46: Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice On YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Podcast! S#2, Ep. #47: Part A- Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Podcast! S#2, Ep. #48: Part B- Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools on YouTube:

I recently shared my latest short story that has been loaded up to my Construction Tales-Told By A Woman Kindle Vella Library on Amazon. This is short story #11 entitled, “Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools”. This short story covers my life as a widowed, single mother in the era when I juggled both motherhood and my career as a journeywoman electrician. I share the various challenges I faced and lessons learned along the way. The previous short story is entitled: #10: “Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice”. I decided to write about some life lessons such as guarding your personal information, managing nasty rumors, combating sexual harassment, gender discrimination, and racism. Overall, the construction culture has improved dramatically over the past 25-years. Developing both a thick skin and a sharp tongue are key tools needed to survive various jobsite antics. I hope you learn something from this short story. There are more to come. These short stories are now also available as Verbally Disastrous podcast episodes.

Construction Tales- Told By A Woman: (11) Kindle Vella Short Stories On Amazon!!

The Verbally Disastrous Store On Tee-Spring:

The Verbally Disastrous Store On Tee-Spring

https://my-store-c1f946.creator-spring.com

Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper

-Author And Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast now alive on many platforms that include: Acast, Amazon Music, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Pandora Podcasts, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Reason, Soundcloud, Soundtrap, Spotify, Stitcher, Tune In, and YouTube.

-The Audio Blog: Verbally Disastrous Podcast And Construction Tales Blog. Now available on: Acast, Amazon Music, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Pandora Podcasts, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Reason, Soundcloud, Spotify, Stitcher, and Tune In.

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