Advice: Why Are People Triggered By Hearing “No Offense”?

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Hello Everyone!

May this windy a$$ Thursday be the only distraction to an otherwise smooth, problem-free day today. How is your schedule going for you on your side of the globe today? Your favorite New York construction worker chick has brewed up another Quora question and response for your reading pleasure today. For this blog post, I’m sharing this Quora question about why people get triggered by hearing the phrase “no offense” after receiving a dose of harsh truth. I found this to be a rather interesting question so I responded and opted to share with you. Over the years, I’ve learned that sharing some unsolicited harsh truth can be such a tight rope to walk. If you read my posts, you have figured out by now that I love people who don’t beat around the bush and just say what is on their minds. Of course I’d like to see them exercise tact with their delivery. There is a time and a place for everything and that needs to be analyzed beforehand. I’m aware that there is a fine line of revealing the truth while not looking like a bully for sharing such harsh details. As a young woman, I did believe that the only thing that was acceptable was the truth. How dare people walk through life living a lie or subjecting others to a pile of lies!??! As a kid, it was always pushed that it is super important to always tell nothing but the truth. However, when you get older, all of a sudden you can be considered a “monster” or a “bully” for casting light on a harsh truth that was previously hidden in the dark. Who the hell are you to shatter a person’s fake reality?? As an older woman, I’ve learned that not all truths need to be revealed or delivered. What’s the point!??! You have to ask yourself as to why is the truth being withheld or hidden to begin with? What good actually comes from delivering the harsh truth?? Will this delivery prompt any form of change? Will it save a life!? Will the harsh truth prevent a person from making a critical choice with limited data that was previously hidden? Is the harsh truth messenger concerned about the other party not being aware of their own character flaws? Will the truth set them free?? Is the messenger hoping to wake up the person with the harsh truth? Even the most dense people who walk the Earth are aware of their flaws and weaknesses deep down. Sometimes the truth is really hard to swallow and very embarrassing if they’re revealed. Some people feel very bad about themselves when the truth is exposed. When the messenger adds “no offense” after the fact, it is interpreted as an extra slap to the face. I totally understand why a person gets triggered by the phrase. Why does the term “no offense” even need to be said after the harsh truth reveal anyway? Is the messenger hoping to soften the blow or insulate themselves with that phrase? How is it even possible to think that you are delivering some harsh truth and the person receiving won’t take it personal? You are trying to open the lid on some of the most ugly and unflattering character defects on that person. If you can’t handle the smoke, as the messenger, that comes as the aftermath after a truth blast, then perhaps you should fall back from giving people a dose of the truth. If blasting a person with a truth bomb makes YOU uncomfortable, then you need to fall back on your delivery. Let’s go rattle a person’s cage with some ugly truth and hope they don’t take it personal. Now that’s some foolery and you know it!! If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the damn kitchen. It takes tremendous courage and mental strength to go on a truth crusade on your white horse and manage the emotional aftermath. A person sounds super soft to me when they add “no offense” after delivering that truth blow. You really need to fully think out the entire process to see if it is even worth getting involved in something that has zero impact on your own life. I realize people are bored with life and need some extra drama to spice up their otherwise boring work week. Many people are very nosey with matters that do not impact them whatsoever (yup, myself included)! However, unless the harsh truth impacts my life, I now choose to avoid carrying that truth torch these days. If it is absolutely pointless to step up and deliver that dose of reality, I will choose to push the “mind my business” button these days. I don’t feel like getting into a fist fight when the person takes the revelation all of the way serious and angrily gets in their feelings. When I was younger, I had a ton of energy and was totally championing to always do the right thing. Nowadays, I think about the extra mental head space that this situation could require. If it is going to exhaust me or take money out of my pocket for some damn reason, I will leave the savages on their own to hash that out. I just know full well to dodge this moron to the best of my ability. How do you handle situations where it appears that a harsh truth needs to be revealed? If applicable, I’d love to hear your unique approach to handling being triggered by hearing the phrase “no offense”. Are you a harsh truth crusader? If it doesn’t bother you at all, also let me know in the comment section down below. If you have a totally different interpretation of people being triggered by that phrase, by all means, let me know your personal theory on being triggered as well. Now, without further delay, go ahead and check out the question and my response down below:

POSED QUESTION:

“Why do people get so triggered by “No Offense”? Whenever I say it, I always intend to point out a harsh truth but don’t have a kinder way of saying it.”

MY RESPONSE:

“I believe that the “No Offense” cherry on top of a truth pie is triggering since it can be considered as an extra silent dig to the person receiving the harsh truth. It’s a way for you to totally acknowledge that your feedback just stung like a bee. Your style of delivering the harsh truth can make all the difference as well. If the truth is said in jest, it can sometimes soften the blow or anger the receiver. There is always a kinder way to deliver a harsh truth. It requires some consideration but it can be crafted to soften the impact. You should always make an effort to lead the chat in a positive way by throwing in some good feedback beforehand. If you deliver the truth in front of an audience, then it is no longer the truth. It is just you being a bully while trying to get a laugh at the other person’s expense. Be cautious as to how, where, and when you deliver your feedback since that does matter. No matter who the person is or what they have done, you can always find some good talking points. I’m a huge fan of direct people. I’m not fond of indirect, passive people since I don’t want to guess as to what the hell you want. Additionally, they can come across as being weak asf. There needs to be some balance with issuing your input. I chuckled quite heartily at the other commenters who are telling you to mind your business. Technically, they are doing the exact same thing that you are doing. One thing to consider, prior to offering the advice, is the actual objective of the advice? Will offering the truth change how the move going forward? Is it saving a person’s life? Does it shed light of someone attempting to lie and cheat? Where does it lie on your moral compass? Do you believe that you are doing good by revealing the truth? As a young woman, I used to feel compelled to ensure that the truth was heard and revealed. The older I get, I analyze as to what good comes from the truth? If absolutely nothing changes as a result, I have withheld my observations. I’ve also learned that the truth can vary according to the life lens that views it. The wild thing is that revealing a truth can make the messenger look like a bully/jerk if the delivery is not on point. Meanwhile, the messenger just feels like they are merely exposing the hidden truth. I wish you much luck on crafting you delivery of the truth so the message is not lost due to your shoddy approach. #ConstructionTales #VerballyDisastrous”

By Leslie M. Jasper

I thank you for approaching my advice post and taking the time to digest the discussion with me. Does this phrase trigger the hell out of you? If not triggered, are you amused by the folks who are triggered? As I always ask, let me know if you either like or dislike my advice? Don’t forget to explain exactly as to your position so that I may gain an understanding. I appreciate different perspectives on these topics. I found out that The #VerballyDisastrous Podcast is #58 on the list of top 100 of career minded & working women podcasts on Feedspot.com. I have the link to this top 100 list up above at the top of this blog post. I’m also sharing my latest (8) podcast episodes that are listed down below from The Verbally Disastrous Podcast, via links for Spotify & YouTube down below. If you are into reading on a Kindle, check out my newest short story release that belongs to my Construction Tales-Told By A Woman Kindle Vella Library short story series on Amazon down below. This new short story #11 is entitled, “Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools”. This short story covers my life as a widowed, single mother in the era when I juggled both motherhood and my career as a journeywoman electrician. The previous short story is #10 is entitled, “Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice”. If anyone has read any of my other previous short stories, by all means, let me know what you think? Check out the links for my book #ConstructionTales down below. I’m sharing with you some advice posts while juggling my work duties. Now, go carry on with your Thursday now that we have taken a moment to reflect on this Quora question together. Have yourself a great morning/afternoon/evening on your side of the globe and a restful or productive day!

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Link To Construction Tales: Volume I: A Woman’s Journey To Become An Electrician (Paperback & Kindle) On Amazon:

Link To Construction Tales: A Young Person’s Guide To Accomplish Anything In Life (Paperback & Kindle) On Amazon:

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VERBALLY DISASTROUS PODCAST EPISODE LINKS:

Here is the link to the Verbally Disastrous Podcast on Spotify:

Verbally Disastrous-On Spotify

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #43: Part A- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #44: Part B- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #45: Part C- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #2, Episode #46:Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice On YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Podcast! S#2, Ep. #47: Part A- Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Podcast! S#2, Ep. #48: Part B- Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Podcast- S#2, Episode #49: Just Released Not All Girls Play With Dolls!! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Podcast- S#2, Episode #50: My First 7 Weeks As A Site Safety Manager on YouTube:

I recently shared my latest short story that has been loaded up to my Construction Tales-Told By A Woman Kindle Vella Library on Amazon. This is short story #11 entitled, “Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools”. This short story covers my life as a widowed, single mother in the era when I juggled both motherhood and my career as a journeywoman electrician. I share the various challenges I faced and lessons learned along the way. The previous short story is entitled: #10: “Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice”. I decided to write about some life lessons such as guarding your personal information, managing nasty rumors, combating sexual harassment, gender discrimination, and racism. Overall, the construction culture has improved dramatically over the past 25-years. Developing both a thick skin and a sharp tongue are key tools needed to survive various jobsite antics. I hope you learn something from this short story. There are more to come. These short stories are now also available as Verbally Disastrous podcast episodes.

Construction Tales- Told By A Woman: (11) Kindle Vella Short Stories On Amazon!!

The Verbally Disastrous Store On Tee-Spring:

The Verbally Disastrous Store On Tee-Spring

https://my-store-c1f946.creator-spring.com

Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper

-Author And Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast now alive on many platforms that include: Acast, Amazon Music, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Pandora Podcasts, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Reason, Soundcloud, Soundtrap, Spotify, Stitcher, Tune In, and YouTube.

-The Audio Blog: Verbally Disastrous Podcast And Construction Tales Blog. Now available on: Acast, Amazon Music, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Pandora Podcasts, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Reason, Soundcloud, Spotify, Stitcher, and Tune In.

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