Advice: Meaning Of “I Had A Life Before You”?

Best 100 Career Minded And Working Women Podcasts

Hello Everyone!

Try to stay dry during this rainy Monday here in New York City. How is life on your side of the globe today? I hope you had a good weekend. I attended my son’s varsity football ring ceremony this weekend. Each of the kids got a personalized class ring that are large and heavy. The ring case has a light that turns on when you open the ring box. I’m happy for him that he got in on this moment with his team. He is now lifting weights in the gym during the week and getting ready for the next football season. They have a scrimmage coming up in May. He has football camp in June. As a senior, he will get more playing time so he has to put the work in to get ready. At the very least, he will get conditioned to be in great shape. I’m reminding you that my first children’s book “Not All Girls Play With Dolls” is available in e-book, paperback, and hardcover on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and iTunes. I need to finish the audio version of the book. I opted to share with you another piece of Quora advice. This advice is on the meaning behind this phrase “I had a life before you”. I did try to think of different ways to decipher this phrase. The phrase was said during a passive disagreement. Therefore, we have two sides trying to dance around the actual subject matter. Some may think that this is a rude thing to say regardless of the context. Meanwhile, others may say that the person is just reminding the other person of those details. No matter the relationship, there is always one side that takes advantage of the other side. Over time, the person who does the majority of the heavy lifting will get tired of the power dynamics. Some people go for many years under an imbalance of conditions without changing circumstances. Others refuse to endure any situation that is unpleasant or causes that person to do all of the work. What side of the fence are you on this matter? If you have a totally different interpretation of this phrase, by all means, let me know in the comment section down below. Without giving away the entire store, go ahead and check out the question and my response down below:

POSED QUESTION:

“During a passive disagreement, what does he mean when he says “I had a life before you”?”

By Aries Journagin

MY RESPONSE:

“Well, I interpret a passive disagreement as when two parties are not finding a common ground yet are not being direct with their positions. I understand that the goal is to not hurt the feelings of either party. Therefore, being passive is a tactic in order to remove the sting and dance around the subject matter delicately. I find the choice of not directly tackling the issue(s) to be annoying. In an ideal world, people should just say how they feel without going up to a super savage level. I do understand that words cut and cannot be removed once it is placed in the center of a conversation. To sprinkle on top of everything, people are becoming more and more sensitive nowadays. Therefore, I have a general understanding about the desire to tip-toe around an issue. However, tip toeing around an issue tends to lead down a spiraling road of frustrations until there is either an explosive argument or a meeting of the minds. Remember that people are often not very good at taking passive hints. Indirect communication can instead lead to misunderstandings in either the long or short term. In lieu of direct communication, parties are compelled to beat around the bush that is the root issue with indirect thoughts. The choice to use these forms of communication methods can either be one or both parties. Passive tactics involve: sulking behavior, issuing backhanded compliments or sarcasm, total communication withdrawal, and/or indirectly making negative comments on the issue. Perhaps the person is hoping that you will get the hint of what they are trying to say? Does it really make you the “bad guy” if you go ahead and say what is exactly on your mind? Perhaps the person knows that they are potentially one sentence away from going absolutely savage on the other party if they drop their guard for even a moment. It would make sense to be cautious in that instance if keeping yourself from achieving some sort of a “Viking status” is not a strength of yours. Consider that this could be their way of demonstrating tact considering what they want to say is far more hurtful. Saying “I had a life before you” is a prime example of an indirect/nice way of letting the other party know that they shouldn’t lean so heavily on them. The person may want acknowledgement for their efforts. The person could feel like they are now “whipped” and no longer have an independent life since they are now dedicated to your needs and wants and not so much their own. They used to have a life prior to you making so many demands on them nowadays. It could be an indirect way of expressing displeasure over the other party’s smothering nature and they’re hoping that you take the hint. They may even wonder how you managed to conduct yourself prior to crossing paths with them? The person may miss or want some degree of independence back. While being a parental capacity, this phrase could be said to either a young child (which is just nasty & cruel) or an adult child who still chooses to still depend on the parent as opposed to creating their own way. I would find it humorous if a parent said that to a +30-year-old “child” since it would be totally laced with equal parts frustration and sarcasm. Another way to consider the phrase is in the vein of an intimate relationship. Prior to linking up romantically, they each had a sexual history prior to meeting the current person. If said to mean in that manner, it’s the cue to back off of them (yes, I’m missing context) and loosen up the reins of jealousy. The reins you are using to hold the person are the very same ones that will suffocate them in the short or long term. Oftentimes, the phrase is said either out of sheer frustration or simple arrogance if there is no build up to the phrase being uttered. It’s a phrase that could be said in an effort to let their partner know indirectly that life was simpler prior to meeting them. They could be weighing the pros vs cons of going back to life before knowing the other party. If your partner feels an imbalance in efforts, then you need to figure out how to lighten their load in other arenas. If you don’t make the change, they may drop their efforts and back out of the situation if there is no balance in the relationship. Another way to view this phrase could be in reference to work. The person saying the phrase may feel like their co-workers rely on them way too much. Their life was much easier prior to accepting that job. Only the person saying the phrase knows where they are mentally with the job and the work load. On the other hand, some people are not even overworked at all. They may just have the personality where they have to moan and complain about everything. No matter the capacity of the relationship where this phrase is expressed, may you find balance and harmony that causes the relationship to last as long as possible. Much luck and success!! #ConstructionTales #VerballyDisastrous”

By Leslie M. Jasper

https://www.quora.com/During-a-passive-disagreement-what-does-he-mean-when-he-says-I-had-a-life-before-you/answer/Leslie-Jasper-3

Thanks so much for passing by my advice post and making a momentary pit stop. Does this phrase trigger you at all? If you are highly amused by my advice, let me know. As I always ask, let me know if you either like or dislike my advice? Don’t forget to explain exactly as to your position so that I may gain an understanding. I appreciate different perspectives on these topics. I found out that The #VerballyDisastrous Podcast is #58 on the list of top 100 of career minded & working women podcasts on Feedspot.com. I have the link to this top 100 list up above at the top of this blog post. I’m also sharing my latest (8) podcast episodes that are listed down below from The Verbally Disastrous Podcast, via links for Spotify & YouTube down below. If you are into reading on a Kindle, check out my newest short story release that belongs to my Construction Tales-Told By A Woman Kindle Vella Library short story series on Amazon down below. This new short story #11 is entitled, “Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools”. This short story covers my life as a widowed, single mother in the era when I juggled both motherhood and my career as a journeywoman electrician. The previous short story is #10 is entitled, “Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice”. If anyone has read any of my other previous short stories, by all means, let me know what you think? Check out the links for my book #ConstructionTales down below. I’m sharing with you some advice posts while juggling my work duties. Try your best to get through this Monday the best way that you can. We have to get through another work week together. Have yourself a great morning/afternoon/evening on your side of the globe and a restful or productive day!

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Link To Construction Tales: Volume I: A Woman’s Journey To Become An Electrician (Paperback & Kindle) On Amazon:

Link To Construction Tales: A Young Person’s Guide To Accomplish Anything In Life (Paperback & Kindle) On Amazon:

U.S.A.: Use This Link For The Audio Version Of My Book #ConstructionTales On Audible:

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VERBALLY DISASTROUS PODCAST EPISODE LINKS:

Here is the link to the Verbally Disastrous Podcast on Spotify:

Verbally Disastrous-On Spotify

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #43: Part A- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #44: Part B- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #1, Episode #45: Part C- Tramping In Cali! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous! Season #2, Episode #46:Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice On YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Podcast! S#2, Ep. #47: Part A- Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Podcast! S#2, Ep. #48: Part B- Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Podcast- S#2, Episode #49: Just Released Not All Girls Play With Dolls!! on YouTube:

Verbally Disastrous Podcast- S#2, Episode #50: My First 7 Weeks As A Site Safety Manager on YouTube:

I recently shared my latest short story that has been loaded up to my Construction Tales-Told By A Woman Kindle Vella Library on Amazon. This is short story #11 entitled, “Juggling Motherhood & Working With The Tools”. This short story covers my life as a widowed, single mother in the era when I juggled both motherhood and my career as a journeywoman electrician. I share the various challenges I faced and lessons learned along the way. The previous short story is entitled: #10: “Early Life Lessons & Characters To Meet As An Apprentice”. I decided to write about some life lessons such as guarding your personal information, managing nasty rumors, combating sexual harassment, gender discrimination, and racism. Overall, the construction culture has improved dramatically over the past 25-years. Developing both a thick skin and a sharp tongue are key tools needed to survive various jobsite antics. I hope you learn something from this short story. There are more to come. These short stories are now also available as Verbally Disastrous podcast episodes.

Construction Tales- Told By A Woman: (11) Kindle Vella Short Stories On Amazon!!

The Verbally Disastrous Store On Tee-Spring:

The Verbally Disastrous Store On Tee-Spring

https://my-store-c1f946.creator-spring.com

Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper

-Author And Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast now alive on many platforms that include: Acast, Amazon Music, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Pandora Podcasts, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Reason, Soundcloud, Soundtrap, Spotify, Stitcher, Tune In, and YouTube.

-The Audio Blog: Verbally Disastrous Podcast And Construction Tales Blog. Now available on: Acast, Amazon Music, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Pandora Podcasts, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Reason, Soundcloud, Spotify, Stitcher, and Tune In.

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