You can now click on the above “LISTEN ON SPOTIFY” (WHEN AVAILABLE) to hear this in audio!
Hello everyone!
Photo Credit: Animoto, Leslie M. Jasper
I hope you are being safe tonight. Here in New York City, we are in the midst of a intense and powerful snowstorm. I am staying in the house warm and safe. I wish you all the same. I am toying around with some slideshow software. Yes, before you say it- I probably should have just stuck with a PowerPoint slide presentation. However, I wanted to be creative with the mini project. I opted to try Animoto’s free software slide show feature. It was relatively user friendly with some cool features. I was hoping to download the file. I am disappointed that I only was able to retrieve a link to the file. I created a slide show of my 2013 basement renovation project. Here is the link to the slideshow:
Slideshow Credit: Animoto, Leslie Jasper
After all, it was my first time hanging rock on the ceiling solo as a chick. I plan to narrate and load it to YouTube in the near future. Please come subscribe and support my #VerballyDisastrous YouTube channel. I pinky swear promise that if you subscribe to my channel, I will immediately come to your page and subscribe in return. I have a goal to achieve 2 million subscribers in the next 5 years. Please show me some support and I will support your cause as well. If your content catches my eye, I will possibly feature it in one of my future podcast episodes. Here is the screenshot of my Verbally Disastrous podcast #YouTube #channel that needs your lo<3e and support:
Photo Credit: YouTube, Verbally Disastrous
As always, I thank you for stopping by to check out my content! I wish you a safe week until we speak virtually together again.
Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper
-Author & Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast on Spotify (coming soon)
You can now click on the above “LISTEN ON SPOTIFY” (WHEN AVAILABLE) to hear this in audio!
hi everyone!
I have been on Quora for awhile. However, I had never explored further than reviewing and responding to questions. I just created two new spaces under my profile. One space is for the book #ConstructionTales and the other space is for the #VerballyDisastrous podcast. I have just opened myself up for questions. If I get involved in a good topic of conversation, I shall share it with you all as well. I shall see how it goes. Here is the Quora profile:
You can now click on the above “LISTEN ON SPOTIFY” (WHEN AVAILABLE) to hear this in audio!
hello everyone!
Calling all female & male authors who are against domestic violence to encourage victims to stand up and step out of an abusive relationship!
Photo Credit: Clipart Library
In my younger years, I was a fiercely independent woman. This came on full force once I became a widow. You could have never told me anything different. I was raised by my father, despite his controlling nature, to “stand on my own two feet”. I learned that there is great power in the ability of my mind and my own two hands. I never believed in dating a man for his money or asking for help. I used to actually have male coworkers ask me why I wasn’t a “kept” woman. My response was often along the lines of, “because I am capable of taking care of myself”. I absolutely love the freedom of choice that comes from making my own life. As I have gotten older, I have started to believe that sometimes it takes a village to look after each other. What one can do on their own is amazing. What people can do when joining forces, is even more powerful and amazing. I am a fan of authors cross promoting their work. I would like to showcase different authors from all walks of life. This exercise also helps me learn from other viewpoints so that I may expand my topics for my podcast- thank you in advance. For this particular post, I am looking for strong independent women. I even welcome male authors who are fiercely against domestic violence to share their content as well. I never want to assume that only women are victims. I believe that the road is tough for a man since it is embarrassing, potentially demasculinizing, and not such a widely touched on topic. I equally champion for men of domestic violence as well. If interested, here is my proposal.
I had a lady approve and comment on my topic of domestic violence. She said that there are many women who face the daily fear of a man they cannot escape. They need encouragement that it is possible to live in peace and stand in your own power. It would be impactful if we showcase strong independent women to show abused women that it is possible to escape. If interested, I have listed a series of questions for you to fill out. Once completed, reply your answers to this post. I will then post in a separate thread and promote your book content on my Construction Tales Facebook page, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr. All I ask is that your return the favor on your media platform. At the very least, posting my responses to your blog. I will then seek out a different type of author from a different viewpoint in life from around the globe. I look forward to learning from you all and helping each of us grow from obscurity. Even if you choose to just read, I thank you for taking time to stop by my post. If you have a type of author you are interested in, please suggest.
Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper
-Author & Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast on Spotify (coming soon)
What is your name and what is the title of your book?
Offer a brief summary of your book?
Where can your book be found to purchased?
Do you have an audio version of your book?
What impact does your book have on domestic violence victims?
How long ago has it been since you were in an abusive relationship? (if applicable)
What was the tipping point for you to decide to remove yourself from the abuse? (if applicable)
How did you discover your own power to either not/no longer accept abuse?
What are some warning signs of a person being abusive?
What advice can you offer to a victim of domestic violence?
My Completed Author Questions
What is your name and what is the title of your book? My name is Leslie M. Jasper and I am the author of the book entitled, Construction Tales: Volume I: A Woman’s Journey to Become an Electrician
Offer a brief summary of your book? My book covers my work life during my 5 year apprenticeship to become a female journeywoman electrician in New York. The book showcases the various antics of my coworkers along with their charming personalities.
Where can your book be found to purchased? #ConstructionTales can be purchased in paperback and e-book form on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and on iTunes. I have an edited teen version that is entitled, Construction Tales: A Young Person’s Guide to Accomplish Anything In Life. Content about the book can be found on my #VerballyDisastrous podcast and blog at http://www.constructiontales.com as well as many forms of social media under my name.
Do you have an audio version of your book? Yes, the audio version is available on #Audible as well.
What impact does your book have on domestic violence victims? I wrote about how I was able to power my way through my apprenticeship years despite facing many obstacles and negative feedback. I used wit and humor to combat those negative comments and perceptions. I woke up each day with 50 goals and purpose to forge ahead. I refused to give up no matter how tough some environments were at the time. I even had some guys make the exception for me= winning!
How long ago has it been since you were in an abusive relationship? (if applicable) The last time I was in an abusive relationship was about 20-25 years ago. Any man that I date today knows that I have my own solid foundation and I am not afraid to part ways at the first sight of abuse. It also helps being physically strong in stature. A man doesn’t want to take the chance of being hit back.
What was the tipping point for you to decide to remove yourself from the abuse? (if applicable) I endured the discovery process of cheating. Upon confrontation, the response was rage and abusive behavior. I was responded to via a sudden grab of the back of the head by my hair and slamming my face swiftly into the hard table. One time I was trying to leave and he smashed my window on my car (he felt guilty and replaced it). Eventually, you get tired of being in a constant state of walking on egg shells. The tipping point was the discovery of my own evolution of constant emotional anger. I could never escape the sensation of constantly feeling angry, sad, and hopeless. That anger seeped into my personality and there were more bad days than good. Once I realized that this will never change, I removed myself from his presence. The process of emotionally detaching yourself from someone you love is the hardest thing in life to sever!!! It was like emotionally chopping your own body part off of you. The subsequent healing process is super vital with the solid promise to never allow it within your personal space ever again. I drowned myself in work to keep my mind distracted while I healed.
How did you discover your own power to either not/no longer accept abuse? I started out as a young girl thinking that abuse what just a side effect of being in a relationship. After all, I witnessed it as a child thinking it was the template in life. I didn’t even meet a strong woman until I was a senior in high school. Once I realized a different dynamic exists, I felt encouraged. I discovered my own power once I took the steps to develop my own career. I felt good about myself and it shifted my confidence and my vibrations. You have to stand in this energy field of strength. Strong energy must seep from you so that anyone can immediately recognize it. Abusive men will see their own way out since they know, without words even spoken, that I will not tolerate it.
What are some warning signs of a person being abusive? I believe some of the warning signs include: 1) disclosing a history of childhood abuse, 2) how a man/woman speaks about women/men, 3) the quickness of a man’s/woman’s temper, 4) a man’s/woman’s relationship/dynamics is with his/her mother, 5) a man’s/woman’s relationship (or lack thereof) with his/her father, 6) a man’s/woman’s dating/marriage history, 7) a man’s/woman’s route to problem solving skills, 8) a man’s/woman’s communication skill level, 9) a man’s/woman’s current place in life, 10) a snapshot of the woman’s/man’s level of contentment with life
What advice can you offer to a victim of domestic violence? Gravitate to strong women/men and seek advice from strong women/men and actually follow it. Learn to love yourself, build your confidence, and stand in that power. You must believe in it for it to work. Work to depend on yourself and build that empire on your own so that you are at no one’s mercy. Come to that point that you are willing to walk away from anything that causes you pain. Your partner should know without a shadow of a doubt that you will walk if abused. When you meet someone for the first time, you must let them know that abuse is the cause for pushing the eject button on the relationship. Set those boundaries and actively follow through on your words so they are not empty. Most importantly, be okay in your own company and the concept of being alone. It is much more peaceful and less dangerous to be lonely on your own vs lonely and abused in the company of an abuser. I wish you luck!
I added the Verbally Disastrous blog clip to my YouTube page. The Verbally Disastrous Podcast With Leslie & Melissa is now live on Spotify! We have a Spotify trailer to announce who we are! Check out Season 1, Episode 1: Lot Lizard that is FREE on Spotify! More episodes to come so stay tuned!
Sharing my blog content on my Verbally Disastrous YouTube page
I am launching a podcast entitled, “Verbally Disastrous”, on Spotify with my very close friend Melissa. I intend on having other interesting guest on the program as well. I am learning how to navigate through this new podcast process- a technological challenge that I am powering through. I think I am getting better with the whole technology thing in the past five years. I don’t scream, cry, and thrash around as much as I used to in a rage of frustration while trying to figure things out. I thank the tech gods for YouTube tutorials! How the hell I managed life before YouTube is beyond me!?! My lifelong career has taught me to learn via watching others so tutorials are key.
I like to be creative and come up with humorous things. I had to survive in my career by…
You can now click on the above “LISTEN ON SPOTIFY” (WHEN AVAILABLE) to hear this in audio!
hello everyone!
I have been actively working on trying to share content from my original blogs on Blogger. In the process, I have realized that I have not shared my collection of YouTube recordings of small video snippets of my two interviews with House & Kyle on Second Shift Radio on Tune In. I apologize in advance for not having proper video recording equipment. I opted to briefly vlog the interviews. I am working on having decent equipment for future vlogging of my podcast content. I have two YouTube channels. One is Leslie Jasper and the other is Verbally Disastrous. I will be trying to share content from each channel since I cannot find a few original video files.
Here two video clips from my 1st interview, on July 7, 2019, for my book #ConstructionTales with hosts House & Kyle:
I had never laughed so hard in my life than when discussing these random topics with the guys.
I was getting my drink on with the gang and very hyped up to be on the radio. I got to meet Pretty Ricky and see him deliver his weekend NYC news report.
Video Credits: Leslie M. Jasper, Second Shift Radio
It is very obvious that I enjoy the company of both Kyle and House. I initially met Kyle while working for an electrical contractor together. We struck up a chat outside of work and became instant buddies. I was then introduced to House. One would think we have been pals for many years. This was my 1st time interacting with the fellas. I look forward to hanging out with them again in the future.
Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper
-Author & Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast on Spotify (coming soon)
You can now click on the above “LISTEN ON SPOTIFY” (WHEN AVAILABLE) to hear this in audio!
Hello everyone!
I have been actively working on trying to share content from my original blogs on Blogger. In the process, I have realized that I have not shared my collection of YouTube recordings of small video snippets of my two interviews with House & Kyle on Second Shift Radio on Tune In. I apologize in advance for not having proper video recording equipment. I opted to briefly vlog the interviews. I am working on having decent equipment for future vlogging of my podcast content. I have two YouTube channels. One is Leslie Jasper and the other is Verbally Disastrous. I will be trying to share content from each channel since I cannot find a few original video files. Yes, my goal is to become better at filming and creating the best podcast for you all!
Here two video clips from my 2nd interview, on October 21, 2019, for my book #ConstructionTales with hosts House & Kyle:
I had never laughed so hard in my life than when discussing these random topics with the guys.
I had brought over Screwball: which is peanut butter whiskey to share with the fellas!
Video Credits: Leslie M. Jasper, Second Shift Radio
It is very obvious that I enjoy the company of both Kyle and House. I initially met Kyle while working for an electrical contractor together. We struck up a chat outside of work and became instant buddies. I was then introduced to House. One would think we have been pals for many years. I look forward to interacting with them again in the future.
Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper
-Author & Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast on Spotify (coming soon)
You can now click on the above “LISTEN ON SPOTIFY” (WHEN AVAILABLE) to hear this in audio!
hello everyone!
I stumbled upon another interesting Tedx Talk YouTube video that I decided to review. The YouTube video is entitled, “What Representing Men in Divorce Taught Me About Fatherhood“. The Tedx Talk was given by attorney Marilyn York from Reno, Nevada. Marilyn works within her family law practice as a Men’s Rights Family Law firm. Marilyn’s law firm has worked with over 2,000 men, including over 650 fathers, since 2001. The law firm also employs another nine female lawyers that exclusively fight for men’s rights in family court. The law firm has two main reasons for only representing men. Firstly, men are considered absolutely crucial during the process of bringing up children. Additionally, men are considered the disadvantaged parents both in family court and amongst society. The law firm bases their reasoning on statistics with more than 17 million American children who are growing up without their fathers. Her law firm chooses to represent the “underdog” during a divorce. I shall review Marilyn’s lessons learned as a men’s rights attorney for the past 20 years. Here is Ms. York’s Tedx Talk video so that you may review it as well:
Video Credit: Tedx Talk, Marilyn York
“Fathers are the forgotten contributors to child development”. -Michael Lamb, child psychologist
The first lesson that Marilyn has learned, during her pursuit for equality and justice in divorce, was that men parent differently than women. Yes, I believe that wholeheartedly. I learned different lessons from my mother than my father. There are some lessons that both parents taught me such as a strong work ethic, do not steal, be honest, religious studies, proper hygiene, and how to cook (yes, my dad was a great cook) and how to manage tasks inside and outside the house. I did learn many behaviors and lessons from my mother. However, it was my father that had given me the most powerful life lessons. My dad taught me about credit (it was the devil and just have cash) and how to save money for what you want or need in life. My father took me hunting (sometimes for an entire week), fishing, crabbing, skiing, boating, swimming, and many other activities. He taught me how to live off the land and many survival skills such as field dressing a deer. I went with him to the truck shop and learned hardware sizes, how to change oil and transmission fluid, changing or plugging a tire, maintaining an 18 wheeler, and driving an 18 wheeler. The woman I am today is because of the life lessons I received from my father.
A second lesson Marilyn learned was the role a father plays in a child’s life is that it is crucial for the development of that child. According to the 2016 Census statistics, two out of five children have to grow up with no father. Oftentimes, the court system gets hung up on a parent knowing a child’s every detail. A court will use specific details a mother typically handles to determine a father’s competence in caring for a child. Admittedly, I could rattle the name of the pediatrician, doses, allergies, physical dates, teachers, and other pesky details. However, the details that men know about lie within the child’s imagination and how they express themselves. A father will know a child’s biggest super hero, their fears, their dreams, and their limitations with sports and activities. I am sure that no matter the details that I think I may know, my son’s father will have a varied data set than mine. I have always felt that a father is super important in a child’s life. I cannot imagine not letting him being involved in his life. As a young widow, I saw the impact that no having a father can have on my eldest son. He suffered an internal battle that I have yet to realize the magnitude of loss.
A third lesson learned, during the divorce process, was that fathers too also have a genetic bond and instinct with their children. Marilyn illustrates that out of the 100 men who underwent a paternity test, only two came back as not the biological father. This genetic bond is vital for the happiness and contentment of a child. Statistics has shown that a lack of that bond can be disastrous amongst our youth. Despite knowing this, society and laws make it appear that fathers are not important. Marilyn spoke about a legal principle, known as the Tender Years doctrine, that had served as the family court’s standard legal principle all of the way up to the 1980’s. The legal principle predecessor came from England as the Custody of Infants Act of 1839. These principles came during a time when the children were home with their mothers and created a presumption for maternal custody for children aged seven and younger. In England, the presumption went as far as age 16 years old for maternal custody. The more modern child law that replaced older legal principles is the Best Interests of the Child doctrine. It appears the family court legal system is slowly evolving to society.
A fourth lesson that Marilyn learned was the number of high statistics that have a deep impact on young kids- courtesy of the Center for Disease Control. The common denominator for 71% of high school drop outs, 90% of runaway kids, and 63% of youth suicides is not having a father. Children are coming from divorced parents at a high rate. There are an average of 2.5 million divorces per year in the U.S. This means that someone is getting divorced every 13 seconds- let that sink in for a bit. On the other hand, there are a sizable number of children not coming from a divorced home. Each year in the U.S., there are 1.5 million babies born to a couple out of wedlock. Of those babies born out of wedlock, 40% of them do not have a father in sight. According to various child psychology research studies, children who have fathers test better in a variety of development categories. Research shows that children with fathers have stronger cognitive and motor skills, elevated physical and mental health, become better problem solvers, are more confident, curious, and empathetic.
The final fifth lesson that family court has taught Marilyn- fathers are the disadvantaged parent in a divorce. It is unfair in society and in family court what mothers can legally get away with in life. A mother does not have to put a father on a child’s birth certificate nor does she have to notify the father that a child exists. Many people wonder why that omission is just a moral issue and not also a legal issue. There is no legal recourse for a mother to falsely declare a man as the father who is in fact not the biological father. Upon discovery, the mother does not have to endure legal issues for lying or taking child support under false pretenses. In some states, the declared father, despite DNA proving he is not the father, continues as the legal father of the child. Now the child is not aware of the health risks that lie on the paternal side. Not having access to your biological father is a travesty of justice for the child. However, if a father suspects a mother of not being fit, they must submit documented evidence. If the same father feels that the child is in danger, removing the child from the home would result in felony kidnapping charges. In these many examples above, yes I believe that mothers do have the home field advantage in family court. How the court proceeds should always be in the best interest of the child. This is why the father oftentimes is short changed in family court. Forcing legal or financial action on any mother that lied would deeply impact the child. One may say that the lesson learned for the man is to choose better with whom you deposit your seed in a woman going forward.
The question Marilyn posed at the end of her talk was how society can help with the process of fathers being in their child’s lives? Society needs to recognize that fathers are of equal importance. Employers should allow sick days and encourage fathers to attend events for the child via affording time off. In some states, fathers are included in paid family leave so that is helpful. Every man should be encouraged to attend their child’s delivery. Every man should be allowed immediate time off at home to also bond with the child. Society should not question a man’s desire to be involved in his child’s life. Taking time off should not be disguised as “helping the mother” while serving as an excuse for the father to play video game marathons during bonding time. Mothers should encourage their children to engage with their fathers and seek guidance. How parents care for their kids today will show the fruits of their labor in the generations to come.
I was a fan of Marilyn’s talk and I didn’t find anything find anything I disagreed with at all. I usually listen to people and usually take away a few goodies and toss back the sentiments that I do not agree with at all. Ms. York was very professional, laced with humor and sarcasm, rather animated with her delivery, offered some solid talking points with statistics, had not overly emotional with her thoughts, and clearly passionate about the subject matter. I can see myself getting along with her and being a friend. I look forward to discussing the matter with my co-host Melissa. I am honestly not sure what her take will be on the talk. Obviously, you have to tune into the #VerballyDisastrous podcast on Spotify to get her opinion on the topic. We have opposing views on some topics yet very similar in a lot of life viewpoints. If you have any input on this subject, I would love to hear it. If it has changed your thoughts on the topic, let us know as well.
Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper
-Author & Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast on Spotify (coming soon)
*I am going to write a future post about the qualities that modern men want to see in modern independent women in order to determine that they are marriage material. Stay tuned!*
You can now click on the above “LISTEN ON SPOTIFY” (WHEN AVAILABLE) to hear this in audio!
hello everyone!
I stumbled upon a TEDx Talk speaking event where a woman, by the name of Cassie Jaye of Jaye Bird Productions, was discussing her initial attempt to explore and expose the Men’s Rights Movement back in 2013. Cassie was doing leg work via exploring and documenting on the subject of men’s rights. Prior to Cassie’s choice to work on this project, it is rather fair to call her an active, staunch feminist. Cassie was involved in a number of Feminist Movement related documentaries. The initial objective to dig up as much dirt on the misogynists as possible! Cassie saw the documenting of the Men’s Rights Movement, as it was never yet attempted, as a ground breaking project. However, as she started filming and transcribing over 100 hours of video footage, she started to hear stories and the plight of different men that she had encountered. She started realizing that women were not the only group with major issues that were in need of a solution. She started thinking about men’s issues that evolved her way of viewing the world and both genders as a whole.
Here is the link to review the “Meeting The Enemy” YouTube video clip for yourself:
“No one will ever listen to you more than someone who transcribes your words”
Cassie started interviewing and listening to the men she was video documenting. She felt her initial “knee jerk reactions to certain statements weren’t really warranted”. She listened and cringed at an often key phrase used, “just look around the skyscrapers and bridges that men had built”. She asked herself if that phrase was considered “anti-women”? She then thought of a feminist rebuttal, “just look around, everyone you see was birthed by women”. Over time, she started to believe that her feminist views and feelings of being offended could not hold up to intense scrutiny. She started to feel that the statements made by both sides demonstrates the unique contributions brought by both sides. Cassie started to build a more open mindset via listening to the men’s issues in a manner that doesn’t take anything away from the issues that women face.
Over time, Cassie had realized her diary had served as proof that her views starting evolving. Initially, she was adding on statements that she had “assumed” were to follow the topic. These were comments that she strongly thought that men wanted to say but was withheld at the time. Over time, she listened even more and thought about the things men actually lost as a result of various false accusations. Men that were falsely accused of rape then cleared of charges have permanently lost things such as college scholarships, job opportunities, or access to his children. She then spoke about how the subject of rape is a woman’s issue. After awhile of trying to control the narrative and define the proper “victim”, Cassie realized that it just became a “pissing” contest between genders. One must ask yourself what purpose does this serve? Who benefits from the gender competition? Many will say it is hard to make men a victim when they are perceived as holding all of the power in society.
No matter who brings the issue, it all adds to the discussion of gender equality. She was hoping that through the discussion of different viewpoints, it would bring people onto a higher conscious level on the subject of gender equality. Cassie discovered, upon the release of her 2016 documentary on men’s rights, how the media plays their role on “group think on gender politics”. Her documentary worked to humanize the men, known as the “enemy”, who offered input in the film. During the process of humanizing an opposing group, Cassie discovered that she was being de-humanized by her own community. Unbeknownst to her, both Cassie and her documentary became the target of various smear campaigns post release. As a result of this experience, Cassie no longer calls herself a feminist. For the sake of clarity, she doesn’t consider herself an “anti-feminist” either. Cassie’s ears are open to the plights of both men and women on various issues throughout society. It appears that she learned a powerful lesson on her journey. A lesson that she didn’t see coming.
Here are some of the take away lessons learned from the video:
Listen to the thoughts of others. You may hear something that evolves your thought process.
According to the media, one must pick a group and think along their group’s ideology.
The media does not benefit from peace. They benefit from drama and conflict.
The media has a powerful hand at influencing people to think guilty as opposed to innocent.
When you humanize the enemy, you unravel yourself and become a target of scrutiny.
There is much power when you stand up and accuse a person of a crime. Use honestly and wisely.
False allegations have powerful impacts that can last for the rest of a person’s life.
When a person attempts to listen to both sides, there are many who will target you for that.
No one will ever listen to you more than someone who transcribes your words.
Taking time to listen to opposing views is not a popular idea in society.
Invite all voices to the table to discuss gender equality issues & develop solutions.
Stop expecting to be offended by opposing sides.
Any form of change starts with listening.
Comment and let me know if you see a lesson that I missed?
As a person who loves to listen to opposing views and understanding them, this video was highly appreciated. I have realized that the listening quality is rare and not encouraged by society. I had felt this prior to listening to Cassie’s story. Her journey just re-enforces that theory. We all are lumped into categories that we do not necessarily agree with all terms of the group. I was just having a chat today with my co-host about belonging to the feminist group. We would like to think our way of being belongs to a group labeled as “independent“. Melissa and I would like to believe that we are not members of the feminists group. However, our choices to blaze our own trails and become strong, independent career women seems to put us in the group. She and I just wanted to survive so we made our own path and see nothing wrong with it. She and I do not feel oppressed with the wage gap myth. We both strongly believe that people should be held accountable and responsible for their own actions. Melissa and I like men and are not into bashing them at all. I actually have a bias and I gravitate towards men more than I do women. We see men’s behaviors for what they are and move accordingly.
Sadly, we both believe that men of today are not the men of generations before. We feel that men have gained more feminine qualities somehow. Men are not made of the grit and determination that we deem acceptable. How did that happen? We know of many male role models, of previous generations, who took charge, worked hard, and were responsible for their families. Nowadays, it is not uncommon for 20’s to 30’s aged men to be living at home, playing video games, with no purpose, and running away from various responsibilities. Did the school system strip away masculine qualities and force upon a softer more feminine ideology? Has society taken away a man’s incentive to start a family (via unfair rulings in a courthouse)? What happened to our men? All kids receiving participation trophies did not help our young boys and girls at all. I agree with many of Cassie’s TEDx Talk talking points. I believe that both sides need to listen and come together to heal and evolve with the overall societal mindset. How does that happen? There is nothing to be gained by being a victim. There is nothing to be gained by creating an enemy. There is nothing to be gained by continuing to feed the ideology of the theoretical enemy. The only thing to be gained is figuring out the root issue and working to resolve it.
Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper
-Author & Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast on Spotify (coming soon)
*I am going to write a future post about the qualities that modern men want to see in modern independent women in order to determine that they are marriage material. Stay tuned!*
You can now click on the above “LISTEN ON SPOTIFY” (WHEN AVAILABLE) to hear this in audio!
Hello everyone!
I plan on having an upcoming #VerballyDisastrous podcast topic on the pros & cons of a woman choosing to not have children. I know a few ladies who have chosen to not have children. I plan to have a fellow trade sister Vanessa on the podcast to discuss the topic. I am looking forward to speaking with her on the subject as a woman who had chosen to not have children earlier in her life and career. Let’s first look at the statistics on women who have chosen to have children.
I found a few articles (sources below) that help us to get a better sense of what the current trends are today for women either having children or choosing not to have children. According to 2016 Pew Research analysis of the U.S. Census data (article was published on January 18, 2018), there is an increase of women having children within the past ten years. According to the study, “some 86% of women ages 40 to 44 are mothers, compared with 80% in 2006”. It appears that there is an increase compared to women of the 1990s along with the slight increase in the number of children per mother. “Overall, women have 2.07 children during their lives on average – up from 1.86 in 2006, the lowest number on record. And among those who are mothers, family size has also ticked up. In 2016, mothers at the end of their childbearing years had had about 2.42 children, compared with a low of 2.31 in 2008.” – according to the Pew Social Trends online article.
Graph Credit: Statista.com, U.S. Census via Pew Research Center
Graph Credit: Pew Research Center
It appears that women are rebounding on the choice to be mothers within the past decade. However, they are doing it at a later age in life compared to previous generations of women. Factors such as the Great Recession, pursuing college educations, women in the work force, and shifts in societal and cultural norms have all contributed to push motherhood into later years. I found the whole juggling of the career and motherhood roles to be absolutely exhausting. I cannot even fathom what it is like to have children in my 40’s or higher. I shall reserve that topic for another future post and discussion on Verbally Disastrous with women who have that experience. I need to now look at the percentage of the population that has chosen to not have children. According to the Center for Diseases Control and Prevention, 2017 marked the lowest year of births of the past 30 years. For every 1,000 women aged 15-44 years old, there were 60.3 births. This is compared to 64.1 births for every 1,000 women in 2010. According to a 2018 New York Times poll, women cite costs of daycare, better lifestyle choices, lack of suitable partners, and a lack of financial stability as main reasons for not having children. According to the Department of Agriculture, the 2018 estimated cost of raising a child is $233, 610 (excluding college tuition). The U.S. is not the only place experiencing changes with the birth rate. For the purpose of boosting the stagnant population, China had implemented a two child rule in back in 2015. Throughout many countries around the globe, a legend exists of female infanticide. According to the Office for National Statistics in 2017, England and Wales have also experienced the lowest rate of births in the past decade.
Graph Credit: Pew Research Center
High or low rates, depending on the statistic, of childlessness is not exclusive to current times. Northwestern European towns had a high rate of childless women from the year 1500 and forward. There were different eras that attempted to increase the birth rate from women via different forms of persecution. Childless women who lived in the 1600’s were accused of being witches and hanged for the accused offense. A sizeable number of women born on and around 1900 were childless at an estimated 24%. The Baby Boomer era, that lasted from 1946 to 1964, saw a sharp increase in births that lasted for almost 20 years. The birth rate then started declining after the Baby Boomer era. According to the Statista 2018 Childless Women Bar Chart, young women between 15-19 years old are without child at a rate of 96.9%. By the time women reach the 45-50 year old range, the childless rate drops to 15.4%. When you compare women the different women by ethnic groups between 1992-1994 and 2006-2008, there is a relatively equal increase amongst all groups between 2-4%. There is a huge difference, at a rate of 60%, between women were ever married vs never married back in 1992-94. This is versus the difference of 43% in the years 2006 to 2008. However, the rate of change between the 1992-94 & 2006-08 ever married vs never married groups is at a 2% increase and a 15% decrease respectively. According to the statistics, more women were childless in 1900 compared to modern women as late as 2018. Life was significantly harder earlier in life. I wonder if the odds of a higher infant mortality rate, as a result of inadequate medical care, around the year 1900 factors at all into the almost a quarter women as childless rate? The cost of living and raising a family is significantly higher in 2018 vs back in 1900. Women having modern appliances and technology do make the job of being a mother a lot easier than almost 120 years ago. What do you think about the presented statistics?
Now lets check out my list of pros & cons of choosing to not have kiddos:
PROS OF NOT BECOMING A MOTHER:
A WOMAN’S FREEDOM IS PRESERVED
FINANCIAL RESOURCES ARE PRESERVED
TIME IS PRESERVED FOR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
NO CONCERN FOR A FATHER STAYING IN THE PICTURE
A WOMAN IS ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF HER OWN NEEDS
NO CONCERN OF BIRTHING A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD
NO CONCERN TO DEAL WITH A BAD TEENAGER
NOT BEING A BURDEN TO CHILDREN BECAUSE OF AGING
THE RISK OF DYING IN CHILD BIRTH IS ELIMINATED
PRE-EXISTING HEALTH ISSUES ARE INSULATED FROM MORE ISSUES
SAVED FROM SIX YEARS OF BAD SLEEP
CONS OF NOT BECOMING A MOTHER:
NO CHILDREN TO LOOK AFTER THE WOMAN AS AN ELDERLY WOMAN
NO CHILDREN TO PASS ON THE ESTATE
NO CHILDREN TO BURY THE DECEASED WOMAN
NO CHILDREN TO PASS YOUR GENES AND EXTEND YOUR LINEAGE
MISSING OUT ON VARIOUS TAX BREAKS
My personal summary on the subject:
I personally believe that women should be allowed to choose what to do with their body. I am sure that topic will be another future topic to discuss. Having children requires a tremendous amount of time, patience, and resources. Not everyone is cut out for the 18+ year project getting them to adulthood. Some women have their own health problems that they must focus on. Not all disabilities a child may have show up in prenatal testing before the child is born. The next layer of uncertainty is hoping that the father will stick around in the picture for the child. Even if you follow the rules by the book, there is not guarantee that your child will be a productive member in society. If women do not want to be a baby making machine, they do not have to do so. That choice has no negative impact on my life and on the planet. Perhaps that choice will be simpler for women of today and the future. Perhaps the societal pressure of maternal expectations will diminish in time. The only way not having children will impact society is if large groups of women make that same choice. This then causes the number of people paying taxes and social security are not existing to maintain the American economy.
Do you have any constructive thoughts on the topic of women choosing to not be mothers? If the comment is of genuine curiosity and/or tactful in nature, I will bring it up on the podcast with my guest co-host.
Cheers!
Leslie M. Jasper
-Author & Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast on Spotify
*I am going to write a future post about the qualities that modern men want to see in modern independent women in order to determine that they are marriage material. Stay tuned!*
You can now click on the above “LISTEN ON SPOTIFY” (WHEN AVAILABLE) to hear this in audio!
*EDITED FROM MY ORIGINAL POST DATED 3-9-17*
Hello everyone!
I have responded to a male friend’s previously posed question a few years ago regarding being in a relationship with a woman who is fiercely independent. He asked if attempting to date a woman who is “too independent” ruins it due to her high level of independence?? If you so desire, feel free to respectfully agree/disagree. I pondered about it and here is my well though out response:
I do put thought into these types of questions because they do hit home. I may have scared off many of potential suitors in my day due to their perceptions of how an independent woman operates her life. However, I don’t believe that I missed out on relationships since they were not meant to be. Here is my list of some perceptions that independent women may possess. Here are the following negative qualities:
loud
obnoxious
narrow minded
controlling and overbearing
abusive
manipulating
head butting of egos
cheap and stingy
over hyped self opinion
ultra masculine
possesses condescending behavior
Here is my theory as to why women possess the above traits:
When a woman sticks up for herself, she may use plenty of defense mechanisms to ensure that she is “heard”. Perhaps this is why she resorts to being loud and obnoxious. She never learned to maintain her composure and speak steadily with words and facts and not emotions. That is a skill that few people possess in their tool bag. It is possible that the person trying to speak louder than her comes from the same desire to be heard? Two wrongs do not make a right. Learning to speak soft yet firm with facts is needed to resolve and soften those loud and obnoxious communication methods.
Photo Credit: Pinterest pin via Vectortoons.com
A woman should only speak based upon her journey as a woman and not of a man’s journey. She may have limited experience and access to opposing viewpoints. If that is the case, how is she going to understand or think like you? This is where a calm and peaceful dialogue is needed to come together to help each party gain an understanding. Once the tone raises and harsh words are used, your viewpoint gets lost in translation. It is highly beneficial to monitor behavior and determine root causes. This helps in the pursuit of predicting future behavior. You may be able to avoid these behaviors via predicting them in advance. Learning to understand people, no matter how difficult their personality, is vital to trying to gain some form of peace in life. You may not win the war but you will at least gain an understanding of their behavior and move forward as you see fit.
When a woman learns to survive on her own, a pattern is implemented to ensure she stays afloat. Now a man comes into the picture with a different pattern of conducting business. It would be natural for a woman, or for a man if reversed, to be fearful of losing that ability to keep afloat. Once you have been on a certain path, it is very scary to offer the reins of control to another party. It would be vital to understand the root of the controlling or overbearing behavior. Perhaps holding a meeting of exactly how the new path will be navigated, as a new leader, is vital to the change of command process. Setting a woman’s mind at ease with the plan goes along way with ensuring cooperation. I understand that some people will never be fine with losing control. On the other hand, manipulative behavior is another form of control. A manipulative person will often go to great lengths to get their own way. This destructive path includes using sabotage tactics to get their way. If there is not desire to compromise, they are best to be left to leading their own path solo. One must know when it is just healthy to part ways since any of the above behaviors can be highly toxic.
I believe the butting of egos between genders and an overhyped self opinion belong in the same category to discuss. Possessing condescending behavior is a terrible quality that belongs in this group as well. When men and women must butt heads, this can stem as a battle for control (as what has already been spoken about in the paragraph above). It can also stem from a lack of self esteem. Self esteem was born in the home as a child. Self esteem evolves over time based upon your experiences and interactions with people. Some good situations can make person feel good about themselves. Meanwhile, some bad situations can totally erase and destroy a person’s core self esteem. When you know who you are and actually like what you represent, you will have a healthy self esteem and a matching opinion on yourself. Damage done in the home as a child can absolutely annihilate a person’s self worth. In order to counter act the negative impact, one has to over inflate their value with an exaggerated high opinion. There could be people, who have terrible character flaws, that mask their character with an exaggerated high opinion. Maybe if you look at the exaggeration, you bypass and ignore the character flaws. Some people can be so angry with the ambitions of other, and their lack thereof, that they must create these ambitions in their mind and behave in a grandiose fashion. You truly have to be satisfied with who you are and what you bring to the table in order to keep a low profile on the ego and sense of self. In a materialistic world, it is a hard feat to accomplish. The drive and ambition must match the type of goals desired (they should be reasonable) and expectations; another hard feat to accomplish. Write out your goals and see what it takes to smash each one. There are plenty of miserable people who walk the Earth. The worst part is they put zero work into fixing things they do not like. These miserable folks behave in a condescending manner to others in an attempt to bring them down to their level. Another negative behavior trait to just avoid as much as possible. They are doomed unless they actively want to change.
Photo Credit: Aquacity at Adam Stern’s deep week in Bali
Envision a drowning person who must grab another nearby person in the water around the waist so they can also come with them. Their slowly bodies sink together to the bottom of the ocean. Misery loves company.
When a woman or man displays abusive behavior, this is because this is the most widely used form of conflict resolution that they witnessed growing up. They watched their parents, grandparents, aunts or uncles, cousins, friends, or siblings use abuse as a tactic to control a situation. The first five years of life is where a person’s character forms as their foundation. It is extremely unhealthy to learn and super hard to erase from your behaviors. It may take many generations to wash away and hours worth of counseling to rid the stains of abuse off an individual’s soul. An abused person will gravitate to other people who share the same childhood experiences. Unless someone wants help and actively works to evolve and change, you cannot save this person. It is unhealthy to stay and most wise to leave.
Photo Credit: Friendly Stock
There are many reasons why a woman is considered “cheap” or “stingy” in nature. The woman may very well be on a tight budget as a single mom with not much disposable income to spare. In my opinion, your household and children are of the highest priority. Dating should be low on the list of parting with cash for these extra expenses. When I was a young widowed woman, I opted to not even try to date since I was broke. I didn’t feel comfortable going on a date when my means were limited. Yes, I realize many women go on dates so that they can meet men to finance their household. I was never about that and I never will be about that type of hustle. Being a woman going after a man’s wallet is a common practice. Holding back on opening the purse with the anticipation that the man opens his wallet first is a form of being stingy. I do not blame a man at all if he steps back from a woman who does that; especially if she is always in the habit of doing that cheap behavior. A woman may remain cheap, even after significant raises, since that is a budgetary habit. There is a huge benefit for a man when a woman watches her budget tightly. Perhaps she will be even more mindful with his money than how she handles her own budget. Women who are stingy with their money and spend a man’s money freely are inconsiderate people. That type of behavior will seep into other aspects of a relationship and should be easy to spot and avoid.
Photo Credit: Shutterstock
The last negatively perceived quality for a woman is to be ultra masculine in all aspects of her life. It is not alluring to a man trying to date that “manly” woman- I know. Sometimes people experience different paths in life that lead them to be more masculine in nature. You can grow up with a father, just as I did, who has systematically impressed upon his daughter to be tough and always stand up for herself over many years. I had fallen off the back of a motorcycle when I was a five year old kid and scraped up the sides of my body. We were on the side of the road in the gravel next to the wrecked bike. He was telling at me to toughen up and do not cry. He was wiping up my tears convincing me to stop crying. I was told that I was a tough daddy’s girl and I was not supposed to show this weakness. Of course, I took the pep talk seriously and shook off the tears and the pain. As I just illustrated in the example, being masculine can be a defense mechanism as a way to protect herself. She may have to be tough so people do not think she is weak and try to take advantage of her. She may have been raised in a childhood environment where she didn’t receive love or she is missing either a mother or a father. She may have lost key women in her life to death that could have shown her femininity by example. She may have even experienced plenty of trauma that caused her to shut down emotionally. This emotional shut down may make her look masculine in nature. I do not believe that masculine qualities are merely the product of attempting to show men that she is better than them. Let’s sprinkle in the several waves of feminism, displayed via the media and various modes of advertising, that have advised women to leave their girly ways and become fierce competitors with men. Do men ever consider that in a world of oversexualization of women in music videos, movies, and advertising, that some women are far more comfortable in jeans and t-shirt than a dress? Not every woman is comfortable with creating intimate twerk videos for the entire thirsty globe to view. Some women have been brainwashed into thinking being feminine leads to eventually becoming a whore. That progression can make a woman feel uncomfortable and opt the safe route of jeans and a t-shirt. It was not that long ago that women were forced to wear dresses. Some women wore masculine clothing as a means of going against the grain. I have not even discussed a woman’s mindset after being raped. That trauma could very well cause a woman to avoid dressing feminine in an effort to avoid receiving male attention moving forward. As you can see, there is a lot to unpack and think about in this one section alone- whether you agree or disagree.
Photo Credit: 123RF.com
My personal thoughts about dating a modern independent woman:
I am a modern independent woman that has worked to become self sufficient financially, physically, and emotionally. I do not think that I must a bash or outperform a man, much less other women, along my path. I would like to have a deep connection with a man. However, I can survive and happily exist without one. A man may come into my life and he may question why am I “too independent”? As the older self, I am able to properly communicate who and why I am the current woman. Instead of allowing it to be a sticking point, he should focus to be the kind, loving, and the supportive man. In return, I shall do the same and mirror your actions. I will need some time in order unravel the layers of armor I have put on to protect my heart from the world. I admit that I would initially fight your hand to avoid you trying to assist with the wheel of my life. I would have to have a sense that you are a true leader before shifting power. That is where the eyes and intuition come into play. Remember, that wheel is my sense of security and my way of survival. Why should I give up some power to a man who merely requests it?? Transitions require confidence and witnessing ability over time.
As a man, you need to SHOW me that are you consistent and capable of taking the wheel as a co-pilot not just being the captain. I have established my way of life and I am NOT going to give the keys to my castle to just anyone. I will never be “dependent” and ever lay in a fetal position. Life has showed me to not do that to myself. I do not view “independence” as a dirty word. I fully respect women who choose the “dependent” since it is risky but reaps rewards if done correctly. I have chosen to do life “the hard way” for the past 25+ years. I had found no one in my travels that I felt comfy letting them take the “wheel” of my life as a co-pilot much less completely taking over the ship. I can only imagine having a co-pilot through him being the “better road” in managing life challenges better than I can do. My life path has demonstrated my ability to not only be a great co-pilot but the capacity to fully run the ship in the event he can’t or serve as his rock during tough times. On the other hand, it is fair for a man to want to review and figure out if I am truly capable of being the physical rock in the time of need or merely speaking that I can. I understand that the process for vetting a partner is subjective and not everyone is up for the task.
In my recent past, I had a man who actually took the time to ask me loads of questions and gain an understanding about who I am as a woman and what makes me tick. He put in a lot of effort to get to know me which I respected and valued. He is most indeed an alpha man with a tough exterior with plenty of ambition. After the initial evaluation, he came into the situation expressing a desire to have a lifetime partner with an engagement ring. He was my closest friend and was proud of me for my achievements. I was proud of what he achieved in his life and super appreciated his cooking skills! He had found my abilities and my mind to be extraordinary and a match for him. It was a shame that he had something broken inside of him that caused him to be repeatedly be unfaithful and involve me with his messy affairs. I had offered plenty of time to see if we could weather the storm and fix what was broken and move past it. I had parted ways with him in a peaceful manner almost two years ago. Although he has asked for another shot, my well of chances was depleted. I wish him well with the rest of his life and no harm whatsoever. It is healthy to give yourself time to heal past wounds and prepare yourself for what lies ahead.
I am at that chapter in life where I am at peace and want to continue with that zone. My sons are big guys so that helps. One son is halfway through high school and the other son is on the verge of getting married and starting his own family. These days, I spend time with my best girlfriend working on a variety of different projects. This is including our new podcast we are launching. I would love to cross paths with a compatible partner and discover a healthy relationship. I shall work on my career, family, my brand, and many wonderful aspects of life in the meantime. When I was younger, I felt more of a need to prove who I was as a person. As I have gotten older, I see my views evolve over time. I am convinced that people are suitable for different stages in life and not meant to be permanent.
As a strong woman raised by my dad to be tough, I didn’t know how to navigate the modern world with my mixed bag of tools. No one has yet to offer a handbook on how to properly figure out the dynamics between men and women. I am convinced a handbook doesn’t even exist (cue smile). I feel that the more life changes and modernizes, there will be more confusion of gender roles. It is reasonable that the more a wife contributes, the husband should be willing to take on additional responsibilities. Alternately, if a husband takes on the financial burden so the wife stays home, the wife should be grateful and run a clean and tight household. No matter what people think, the division of the roles is fully dependent on the dynamics of each couple. We should all be kinder and more understanding to each other while we navigate many aspects without a damn handbook!!
*I am going to write a future post about the qualities that modern men want to see in modern independent women in order to determine that they are marriage material. Stay tuned!*
Leslie's Verbally Disastrous Podcast & #ConstructionTales Blog 